BPDFamily.com

Just when you think they've finally had an epiphany of some sort and 'seen the light' as they have been good for 4 days BOOM!... .you're sat there quietly on your laptop but the house is too quiet, something is amiss.  Uh oh the fuse has finally reached the bomb and the calm before the inevitable storm has officially ended.  It's that look: lip wobbling, eyes fixed like a shark on its prey, focussing on you, just you and nothing else.  Absolutely nothing in the entire world at that moment matters more to them than readying themselves for their rage marathon.  'What have I done now?' and 'here we go again' you ask yourself as you roll your eyes but you just sigh and accept your fate... .

'Who's that on your facebook?'  or something similar will be the initial line of enquiry and it is almost passive aggressive.  This is the first course of action which will accelerate into a full blown tornado quicker than you can 'HELP ME SOMEONE!'  Any answer to such questions is the wrong answer and it will quickly turn into an accusation of cheating and or sexting with absolutely no proof. 

We have 3 options at this point of which I will include the outcome:

1. keep quiet - ineffective, the BPD partner will take this as an admission of guilt and persist until you give in.

2. Deny everything and inform them that you are not hiding anything - just as effective as tactic one. They will dismiss your words as that of a lying cheating love rat who only thinks of themselves.  The fact that you have ''lied'' directly to their face will also give them more ammunition to use both now and in the future.

3. Go on the offensive (Attack them right back and point out that they need help and that their fire will be met with return fire) - Oh boy, good luck with this one, light speed to rageville mr scotty.  This will quickly shift from a mild tremor to a full blown ground splitting earthquake as your anger will be met with an attitude of 'how dare you attack me, i'm the aggressor here and don't you forget it pal!'

My story is basically one of nothing works: listening/ignoring, admittance/dismissing accusations, going quiet/arguing back, staying in the house/leaving the house.

I'm losing weight rapidly and she cannot see what she is doing to me... .

Hi non

I agree with u that it is so freakin frustrating how there is always a calm before the storm no matter what. My BPDbf and I have been dating for 3 years and I think the longest he stayed with out raging on me was like 2 months... .its getting bad again like almost every few days or weekly, Im really on the fence with how much I can take... its almost like they push and shove u enough to see how much u can or will take... .its very sick. I am torn about leaving this relationship because I fear being without him its really unhealthy I think but I feel powerless... .

Hi I too am reluctant to leave although I know it is DEFINITELY for the best particularly my daughter.  But (and its a big one), she will lay the trap for the next sucker who will quickly become 'daddy 2' and all the anger and chaos will remain in my daughters life, as the new man scratches his head in confusion, wondering how he got into this madness.  I really am stuck between a rock and a hard place as I need to leave but the other side if the coin is I need to protect my daughter from the tornado of destruction.

NONBPDis_M


Why would you worry about the "daddy 2"? Your w will do what she would do.

What makes you think ,"all the anger and chaos" are NOT in your D's and your life now, and will only occur with "daddy 2" ?

Think about this, your D will grown up and kid knows the family atmosphere, she will think being abused is OK because her daddy took the abuse all the times by mommy. Don't you agree that you have to teach her how to stand up for herself when her mate abuses her ?

Remember at the age of 14, depending on your state, a child can choose where to live with mom or dad. Other options is 50/50 custody, this way you won't have to pay for child support.

After my 1st wife's death 10 years ago, I came to understand my own MORTALITY. I could be death any time, so I have decided that I would live FULLY, PEACEFULLY for the remainder of my days on this earth.  That determination helped me stepped away from xBPDgf, from my own attachment. For 6 months with xBPDgf, I was living in confusion, walking on eggshells, and worst of all NO PEACE.

The new guy may not be too concerned about the long term effect it is having on my daughter as the child will not not be his.  Whereas I can do things like take her over my mums, go to a park or go shopping if my partner is screaming the house down and smashing stuff.  This option will not be available to the other guy as she will say 'you ain't taking MY baby anywhere'.  I on the other hand can as the father, simply take her to safety away from the storm.