BPDFamily.com

I've noticed that a lot of other people's exes on here have moved a considerable distance away, sometime for seemingly no reason.

When I last talked to my ex, she said she was going to move as well. I asked her why she was moving and she said one of her friends wanted to see her, but he has made it clear that he doesn't anymore, so she just wants a change of scenery.

The city she is planning to move to, is completely random... .or at least to me. She has lived here her whole life and it would literally be across the country. The only person she would know in this city would be that "friend", which I have doubts that she even really knows.

Is this something they follow through on?

I doubt anyone here would be able to answer that question. Just because it's not something one can draw general conclusions about based just on a diagnoses of BPD. At least I don't think it is. Though maybe it is a common occurance. Perhaps she will follow through with what she said, perhaps she won't.

During my first few weeks of grieving I thought it would be nice if my ex had moved away. Then the possibility of our reconnection would be a much more distant possibility. I thought that it would help me to detach.

How would you feel if she were to move? Do you find yourself pondering on this possibility because a part of you would like to be with her again? Or would you prefer she was further away? Just curious as to what seems to be fueling or motivating your thought process. Perhaps addressing that would be more fruitful than trying to clarify whether or not she intends to follow through with her word.

Mine moves every 3-4 years. I think they move for many reasons.

1) exhaust supply. I'm in the lesbian community. The lesbian community in one geographical area: everyone knows everyone. So once she screws enough people over she needs new supply. Once you get a reputation good luck!

2) can't keep consistent work... .I know when mine would get fired she would move. She got fired from the last three jobs.

3) boredom. They bore easily... .what's more exciting than going to a new place. And I know mine has moved back and forth between states. Don't be surprised if you witness that.

What better way to relive core abandonment than moving a drastic distance?  With my BPDexgf, who moved back to her hometown 3000 miles away, I've witnessed her split geographical locations and everybody she knew there black and white.  When I met her she hated her hometown--'everyone there was fake.'  But she idealized her home state--'people there were always down to do things.'  She had the place we lived split black (not hard to do  lol).

We had a move planned to a different area of her home state.  Post break up she hastily moved back to her hometown to be with her ex (who she had split black for most of our 2 year r/s).  By then she had her hometown split white, and all of her friends there; but once she had committed to the move and things were set in motion, she split the place we lived white and was devastated to leave it behind (though that was all she talked about for 2 years).  

I've read that pwBPD often are more prone to frequently relocating.  For someone with an unstable identity, a new place offers the potential to 'start over.'  Moving somewhere new offers the temporary illusion that you can leave the 'old you' behind.  My ex often talked about 'running away'--'it would solve everybody's problem.'  Plus, she's been very careful to cover up anything that might tarnish my perception of the idealized self she presented to me.  She was very embarrassed by her dysregulations.  Moving allows her to leave me (and the other contacts she's made here) with a vision of herself that she worked very hard to uphold--but which was ultimately unsustainable.  I'm sure, from what she's told me, she has a very different version of herself associated with her hometown that she'll get the opportunity to relive.

In addition to the excellent point about lack of identity by gameover, I think impulsive behaviors also plays a role as well. My exBPD would so many things on a whim, including moving across the states and even countries.

My exgf in the past has moved around a lot. What surprised me when we broke up is that she moved back to where she had been living when we met. It is a very small place and everyone knows everything that goes on. I suppose she hadn't burnt any bridges there. There has been a bit of village gossip about her so it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't move again soon. Just hope its not near me lol.

My ex has a history of constantly moving, running away, disappearing.

I belive in the last year she has moved approx 4 times, and now an impending fifth is on the cards. She has no stability in her life.  Distance is within 60 miles this time

She ended her marriage abruptly and out of the blue, after she came to or decided she was a lesbian still not entirely sure on that story. She moved nearly 100 miles to be with a woman she met twice on the internet :O. She then in the course of a few years moved 6 times, and in the last three moved another 5-6 if not more. Each time trying to reinvent herself, find herself etc. She has no friends only women she adds then chats too on FB   There is nowhere she can call home - when she did have a home with me she destroyed that.

She never thinks anything through, has no contingency plans in place, no savings nothing. She believes that running away from her problems will make them go away - unfortunately she never changes and the problems are still there.

Mine moves a lot, but not far away.  She tends to travel back and forth between two counties.  I'm not 100% sure on the dates, but here is what the past year or so has looked like for her:

Summer 2014 - Moved out of apartment she had with a former co-worker.  Not sure why, other than she started student teaching, had no income, and couldn't pay rent.  Started living with family friends.

Winter 2014 - Moved in with dad and stepmom.  Stepmom threw all of pwBPD's stuff out in the front yard, and of course, pwBPD made it sound like it was because stepmom was crazy.

February 2015 - Moved back in with former co-worker but knew it would only be for a limited time, as her room would need to be given up for her roommate's baby.

April 2015 - Moved in with boyfriend, but kept most of her stuff at her apartment.  By May, roommate was being called "crazy."  Roommate just wanted her stuff out of there and threatened to throw it all away.

August 2015 - Broke up with boyfriend, split me white again, asked if she could live with me.  Spent several weeks looking for a place, while still living with ex-boyfriend. 

September 2015 - Moved into apartment, not sure if she's living alone or with someone. 

Now, back in July, she told her ex-boyfriend that she wanted to move across the country to live with her parents and enter a DBT program, and he agreed to move with her.  A month later, she took it all back and said she wanted to stay here instead.  She was offered a management position at her job, so I would say that is why she decided to stay.  "Oh, I don't need help.  I was offered a management position, which shows that I'm 100% fine."