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Hey guys, I have to say that things have been pretty o.k. for several months now, a hiccup or there, but o.k., until Friday evening. She went on  a 3 day rage. I did beautifully Friday night, never waivered, not once, and never lost my own temper or control of my own emotions, Saturday afternoon, I was tiring of the temper tantrum and tried to maintain calm in the storm, did fairly well, made a few small slip up, but for the most part I held on to calm collectedness. Sunday afternoon I was completely done in, I lost all emotional control and ended up sobbing and crying and begging her to leave me alone, of course we all know that with a BPD that means a victory, so instead of backing off, she came in for the kill. I did recover rather quickly, but am so confused as to why she actually went so far backwards, but here is my theory.

DD had taken herself off all meds, was doing meditation and yoga and really becoming grounded and centered, she had stopped smoking and drinking and even gave up caffeine. Recently she went back on the meds because she said she was having a hard time focusing on anything and keeping it together on any given day, now she is back to her old self. I am wondering if her meds are not the cause of her losing control emotionally and raging, they are mood altering drugs after all. they may help her focus, but I don't know about anything else. What's your thoughts on this? Is it possible, or am I grasping here? just curious.

Hi tristesse

Sorry to hear about this (temporary) setback. Things had been going so well and I know how proud you are of her for the progress she had made.

She's taking mood altering drugs and perhaps while she's still transitioning, the drugs indeed triggered this rage. There could also be other factors.

Your daughter recently went back on her meds because she said she was having a hard time focusing and keeping it together. Were there perhaps also other (new) stressors or changes in her life at the time she decided to go back on her meds? Was she still consistently doing meditation and yoga? Was she still not smoking, drinking and staying away from caffeine when she decided to go back on her meds?

Now that she is back to her old self, has she said anything about her 3 day rage? Has she said anything about how she views her own behavior these last couple of days?

Kwamina, thank you for your reply, I always appreciate any all insight, ideas and information.

She was and is not smoking but has started back drinking coffee,( caffeine) but not much.  she has had a drink or two, but nothing in excess. She is no longer doing yoga or meditation, with her meds she becomes ridiculously lazy, no energy to do anything really. There have not been any new stressors added, and she has not said anything about this rage other than to blame me. She believes I am the cause of her BPD and all other issues that she has. I told her that she was almost 32 years old now and I do not owe her a life, she has to figure it out and learn to live, ad she informed me that I do owe her a life, I owe her everything because it's my fault she is unable to function outside my home. I am not going to have that fight with her, we have had it too many times already.

No matter though, I was just really curious to see if anybody else thought it could be the meds.

Hi Tristesse,

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.  You're a very strong woman to have maintained your composure for that length of time.  I loved your description of "come in the for the kill."  Been there so many times.

I have had a similar experience with my daughter, who is undiagnosed and untreated, but suffers from most of the BPD traits. 

Last year, she was diagnosed with ADD and given Adderall.  Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that this is a stimulant. It certainly stimulated her behavior.

Prior to this drug, her rages had primarily been directed at family members.  If she was angry with someone else, she would cover it by being excessively nice to them.  Shortly after starting this drug, she began having arguments and rages with almost everyone she came in contact with.  And her anger at us moved to a whole new level, including throwing things at us and the wall.  I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that I began to fear that she was going to make such a scene in public that someone was going to call the police.  Her suicidality also increased at this time.  In short, she was no longer in control of her emotions in any context.

Her doctor switched her to Vyvanse, and there was some improvement but not much.  Now that she is off both of these drugs, she is calmer.  I should also clarify this by telling you that my daughter responds badly to the side effects of almost every drug she has been given, so I'm not saying that this is the normal reaction.  However, it happened to us so I thought I'd pass this along in case it's of any help to you.

Certainly hope you are getting a chance to recuperate today. 

Hello slipping, and thank you for your reply.

I need no recoup time, I'm alright. I recover rather quickly these days, as this is old hat now.

I am especially happy to hear from you, and what you had to say because my daughter has also been given adderrall, and I believe that has some bearing on her wacked out crazy emotional behavior.  It's good to hear that I am not the only person who has witnessed the meds turning them into something ( demonic ).

I suggested this to my daughter, and she was not at all receptive that idea, so I let it be for the time being, but I think I'm on to something here.

Thank you again for responding, I really do appreciate it.

I think mood altering drugs can have various effects. The meds could vary well play a role in your daughter's recent behavior. And I think also the fact the she unfortunately has stopped doing yoga and meditation.

My own mother took mood altering drugs for a while because she was supposedly 'just' suffering from depression. However, the drugs didn't improve her situation one bit. She wasn't raging like your daughter was, but it was like the meds made her even more depressed which was horrible too.