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I'm recently separated from my ex wife we have two children and were together for 4 years I tried to end the relationship several times and 3 months ago I finally managed to do it I thought that it would be a lot easier than it is and I struggle to watch her be sexually promiscuous and it's hard to stand on the sidelines and watch knowing that she's possibly a borderline I still love her very much but I had to leave because I refus teach my  daughters a dysfunctional relationship I thought it would be a lot easier to leave I thought I had had enough and I know I won't go back but its still not easy  I'm going to be involved with this woman through my daughters for the next 18 years and it's tough to stand on the sidelines and watch her struggle

hey lostinkitimat and *welcome*

it certainly isnt easy separating from anyone after four years, let alone someone we were married to and share children with; its a powerful history. and it really doesnt help that due to the circumstances youre exposed to further painful behavior.

its funny, i tried to break up with my ex several times as well. i was devastated when she broke up with me. it helped me a lot when i realized i was not "wrong" for grieving her and my relationship.

it will get easier, but it is going to take time. her behavior will effect you less. it will hurt to watch her struggle, but you will feel compassion from a distance.

what kinds of things are you doing to take care of yourself and rebuild your life?

At the moment not a lot the separation is fairly fresh and she has been awarded quite a bit of money between child and spousal support I guess that's my punishment for having a good paying trade I have quite a few dollars in lawyers bills to pay off and workin 60-90 hours per week doesn't afford me a lot of time to go to counseling I do try to get to counseling when I can though and I'm just trying to have a good support group of family and friends and not throw myself into my work spending time with my two year old and one year old really makes the difference just spending time with them and seeing their smiles and having fun and playing really takes my mind off things a lot. But must admit splitting was the hardest choice. And I felt an instant sense of relief once there was some distance between us. Unfortunately it's as if now that things have calmed I miss the drama?

i think most of us experience this, and even if you dont rationally, your body quite literally does. we tend to become conditioned in these relationships, whether its walking on eggshells, becoming hypervigilant, waiting for the next shoe to drop, the highs and lows, the back and forth of idealization/devaluation, the multiple shocks to the system, it all makes for running on constant adrenaline. its exhausting stuff  . suddenly it gets quiet, and for the most part all we have is our thoughts, which are torturing us. in your case you are also still exposed so equilibrium is quite a challenge  .

i understand things are fresh. it really sounds to me like youre doing the right things here. in spite of the weight on your shoulders, you havent lost your productivity; that will pay off. youre getting counseling; you can add to it later when less is on your plate. youre avoiding workaholism, both spending time with and enjoying your time with your children, and a good support system of family and friends is a must. im very glad you have them.

Thank you I really am doing the best I can. 1 day at a time. Some are better than others but I think slowly some clarity is coming. I know I have to distance myself from the making crazy.