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Title: Daughter of a mother that I think exhibits BPD traits Post by: MGS on September 19, 2015, 12:29:10 AM Hi, I am a 30 year old female and have known from a young age that my relationship with my mother was different from my friends'. As I grew older, moved out, and moved into adulthood, I realized my mother still has much control over me and I have a strong desire to talk things through logically with her, but that proves to be impossible. At first, I thought my mom had multiple personalities, but as I researched more it really has hit home when I've read about BPD. I look forward to meeting others that have had similar experiences because I feel isolated. It's hard for people to understand the complicated nature of my relationship with my mother, even as a grown adult. I feel relief in knowing I have support available.
Title: Re: Daughter of a mother that I think exhibits BPD traits Post by: Kwamina on September 19, 2015, 07:36:03 AM Hi MGS
I'm glad you've found us and are reaching out for support here Many of our members indeed know what it's like to have a parent with BPD and will be able to relate to you. I hope participating here will help you feel less isolated. Could you tell us a bit more about your mother's behaviors that lead you to believe she has BPD? What kind of things does she say or do that you find most unpleasant or difficult to deal with? Your desire to talk things through logically with your mother is understandable. If she indeed has BPD, the rational approach often is difficult because feelings often equate to facts for people with BPD: Excerpt Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Each person's feelings are real. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality; it is to fight nature and may be called a crime against nature... .Considering that trying to fight feelings, rather than accept them, is trying to fight all of nature, you can see why it is so frustrating, draining and futile. You mention realizing your mother still has a lot of control over you. In what ways do you still feel controlled? Does your mother still actively do things now to control you? Does she perhaps uses things such as fear, obligation or guilt to try and control you? Welcome to bpdfamily :) Title: Re: Daughter of a mother that I think exhibits BPD traits Post by: Panda39 on September 19, 2015, 03:49:34 PM Hi MGS,
Welcome to the BPD Family You most definitely are not alone. I'm here because my SO (significant other) has an uBPDxw (undiagnosed BPD ex-wife) and 2 daughters that we have been trying to help negotiate their mother's behaviors. If BPD is new to you I suggest seeing what is available at your local library. When my SO and I discovered BPD I made it a point to educate myself about it and reading different books on the subject I found gave me a well rounded understanding. Understanding BPD is helpful in untangling the chaos that seems to swirl around pwBPD (people with BPD). ... .I realized my mother still has much control over me... . Is it possible she uses FOG (Fear, Obligation & Guilt) to get you to do things she wants? Emotional blackmail is used often on my SO's daughters and seems to be a common behavior of pwBPD. Here is a link to more information on FOG... . https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog I also wanted to point out the box to the right, you might want to check out the "Lessons" links --------------------------------> I'm so glad you've found us there are many others like yourself with a BPDparent that I'm sure you will be able to identify with and they with you. There are also a lot of nonBPDparents and stepparents here trying to support our kids with a BPD parent. I know you will find support, tools, and understanding. Again Welcome, Panda39 |