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":)arsha500, you need to love yourself as much as you love others"

Such was the last words my friend spoke to me before I departed to my ex's house for the last time. That night before going to bed, I felt an immense sense of love for my then GF. Within that sense of love was a deep compassion for her plight, and a deep longing for our relationship to work. As i was projecting that love towards her, I remembered my friends words. "You must love yourself as much as you love others."

It then dawned on me that I had been depriving myself of my own love, by tolerating the chaos that was my relationship with my ex. I then vowed to stop placing my own needs in a secondary position to her. Shortly after this I left her house, as I could not sleep and did not want to stay awake all night, simply to appease her. That decision lead to a melt down on her part. The last straw for me.

I use to wrap my arms around her and with teary eyes, emphatically proclaim to her that, "I am here for you, you are precious, and I love you dearly."

But today, this behavior takes on new meaning. As i go about my day, waves of grief pass through me. Some are so minuscule that I can continue about my business. But moments ago, one compelled me to lay on my bed. So I invited it in.

There I realized that my emphatic proclamations of love were in a way misdirected. I believe i was attempting to love myself vicariously through her. "I will take care of you, I will protect you from harm, you are precious." Such is the reassurance I needed when I felt unloved and vulnerable in childhood.

Now I realize that I can receive the parenting that I wished I had received as a childhood. I can reassure the broken child within me that he is safe with me, as i am devoted to him. His needs are my priority, not the needs of others. I will not betray him.

It astonishes me how much i have changed. Not only as a result of this relationship, but just as a result of dealing with and confronting my own neurosis. The way i treat myself is night and day. The self-talk I now espouse is the language of a loving parent.

So this is what self love looks like. This is freedom from shame.

After learning this lesson, I can genuinely look upon my experience with a sense of gratitude. Has the universe provided for me exactly what I needed in order to learn this lesson? Objectively speaking, i don't know, I cant say whether the universe unfolds in such a way. What i can say is that I am open to receiving what this life has to teach me. And in this way, I can make meaning out of the randomness of all that crosses my path.

GOOD for YOU!

LOVING ONESELF is MAJOR THREAD that appears to run through ALL of this TAPESTRY of LIFE!

I have always said, "How can I expect from others what I am not giving to myself?"

LOVING YOU is KEY and definitely places you on the PATH TOWARDS HEALING!

Take your compassion and turn it back on you with self compassion.

Darsha this post is brilliant, bravo! Exactly what we all need to do and very well said. Good luck on your journey, we all need to know that we can become better after this experience.