BPDFamily.com

Advice on leaving. NC

In my case, I knew that I was leaving a couple months before I actually did... .If I had it to do over again, I would have made more effort to get more of my stuff out of the house sooner. And I would have focused more on the things that are most precious to me.

My leaving was fraught with danger, because if she caught wind of it ahead of time I would have paid dearly for contemplating leaving... .And I had a hard time hauling much away because she was staying home because she was too drunk or hung over to go to work.

In the end, after a particularly nasty rage, I just went home, dropped off the car and the cell phone, grabbed a couple of things. Then I walked out the door and had a friend drive me away. I think that leaving the cell phone behind was important. If I could have changed eMail addresses I would have done that too.

In a do-over, I would gladly give up all my possessions in order to be free and go No Contact. I wish that I would have made that choice a long time ago.

In my case, we couldn't even talk about how to fix supper without triggering a rage. Why did I always hope that we could talk about more important things?

Leave a letter. Do something to let them know. Because it's very dangerous leaving as the poster above did. You'll trigger that person into possibly stalking you and many other things can go wrong.

One of the hardest things for me about borderline personality disorder was the unpredictability... .Things went wrong no matter what I did or didn't do. Things would go wrong if I left a letter, if I didn't leave a letter, if I talked to her, if I didn't talk to her. I couldn't figure out what behaviors I could safely do because the rules changed day to day and minute to minute.

The first 4 or 5 times I tried to leave I ended up getting dragged back after talking, or exchanging emails, or whatever. I intend to never get dragged back again, so for me it has to be no contact ever. I might have been polite of me to leave a letter, but I was more worried about escaping than about being polite. In any case, I couldn't have said anything in a letter that I hadn't said a hundred times before.

I intend to never again put myself in a situation where someone b___es at me for no good reason.

Hi BPDsucks

There is no easy way to leave a relationship an I flip flopped for months until one day I got up the courage to leave.

There are some lessons that might be helpful. Section 3 has the leaving and NC which might be useful for you.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

Depending on your circumstances will depend on what you need to do. Someone who is married with no kids will have different priorities to someone married with kids. Someone co habiting will have different priorities to someone with their own place.

Please keep posting as no matter what our personal circumstances we all need people that we can talk to who understand what we have and are going through.

EM