BPDFamily.com

Need help to today feeling really alone- Like I loss my sense of purpose – Its been 3 weeks no contact and she is already in another relationship in 1 week we would have been engaged a year – She told  me she loved me then said I cant live like this stopped talking then had her brother drop off the ring – have spoken in 3 weeks my last email was 2 weeks ago- she still checks our joint email account but has not responded at all to me…. Does anything make them regret their choices or are they full steam ahead  she is npd and BPD --- the feeling I have are much the same I could never forgive but I want to somehow be with her.

I feel so alone an hurt by everything

Hi Standing tall

It is a hard thing to deal with. To go from being the centre of their world to nothing is mind blowing. It feels like we were played and are the biggest fools in the world.

Just because they don't want to talk to you doesn't mean that they don't have feeling for you. In fact the opposite is most likely true. If they didn't care it wouldn't bother them to talk to you. The problem with this though is that just because they may have feelings for you it doesn't mean that they can be with you.

Im sure they regret their choices but its those choices that prevent them coming back. You become a trigger for them.

It's though times.  Thinking of you.  It will improve,  and things will get better.  The early days are the hardest, but it will get easier.  It takes a long time to rebuild after such a dramatic change.  You will get there though.

The healing process is slow and painful.  Everytime you think you've discovered something that makes sense another obscurity pops up.  My advice is keep pressing on.  There will be times the pain is going to consume you... .let it out.  Cry.  Sing.  Write.  Just don't keep it in.  Come on here.  Rant!  Rave!  Read quotes.  You aren't alone in this situation because we are all with you.  I am a year out and my feelings still conflict one another.  Breath deep my friend.

I was with mine for 8 years, married 7... .just had an anniversary last Sat. No Contact... I knew it would be that way, but somehow hoped he would say something really. I see you realize yours has NPD as well. It helps me to focus on that, because the BPD side just keeps me feeling sorry for him and that is not helpful to me. Mine has been so awful to me that it makes more sense when I study the traits. U-tube videos by a woman named Dana whose site is called Narcissist Support have been really helpful to me. Explains allot of the behavior. I think mine loved me at one time, the only way he knew how. But now, since he has moved on, I think it's out of sight, out of mind. He would like to think that time would cause me to "forget" all he did to me, but that's not how it works when you have been abused. I thought mine would get a good taste of the new lifestyle he has chosen to mirror and not like it since we had so much together and now he is living a much different life. But maybe he thinks he deserves it or that it's less stressful for him, who knows. He called his new girl friend "cheap" which of course made me feel good! lol  So I would have to say it is probably full steam ahead to answer your question, but my understanding is that they can always try and come back down the road. The thing is, they will treat you a bit worse every time you take them back_I took mine back twice. It really is true, they lose respect for you for taking them back! How ironic. Take this as a lesson in your soul and your life. What is it you need to do for yourself? I am in a divorce care group right now. There is one person who has hoped her husband would come back for 10 years! Another one is waiting after 13 months of separation to see what "he" decides to do. I don't think I could do that, I want to be more in charge of myself and my life than that, don't you? Get out and do things, get reacquainted with friends- I feel alone too, I understand. I have to keep the faith that there is something much better for me in the future if I work at what it is I am supposed to learn from this r/s. One thing I learned is since they love bombed us and mirrored us in the beginning, we actually fell in love with ourselves, wether you know it or not- you like yourself. Focus on the good side of you that they imitated in you and feel confident that you are a good person and are lovable. You will project that and meet someone else. Just don't rush that like they do- they will keep failing in their r/s's because they never find themselves in the process. Best wishes!