BPDFamily.com

www.mindfood.com/article/deepening-dependence/

I found this article very interesting.

The only qualification I would add for now is, I looked up the studies on people undergoing pain and getting their brain scanned, and they only tested it with heterosexual partners, with the female partner receiving the shock and the male partner holding her hand.

Every article I have seen refers to it as "couples", and that bothers me that they are generalizing the results that way.  It doesn't mean the effect is not there for a male getting a shock with his female partner holding her hand, it means that hasn't been studied. 

I don't feel that dependency is a dirty word. Dependency is us needing a glass of water sometimes. We are dependent on it for our survival. So, of course it is ok to meet our own needs.

Dependency can be extreme, however. You can die from drinking too much water.

The important thing, for me, is knowing the difference between when I'm not thirsty and when I am.

Connection is a human need, not gender specific, and we all do better with healthy connections with other humans in our lives.  "Codependency" is a dirty word, unhealthy, although healthy relationships go through stages, from the "oneness" of the honeymoon, to mutual independence, to the interdependence of a healthy, mature relationship.  Mine have fallen apart after the honeymoon, somewhere in the independence stage, that healthy interdependence is still the goal, still working on that one... .

It seems to me that the article is really talking about trust, emotional safety/security and an ability to empathise and be there for each other rather than dependency per se. It's about the meeting of emotional needs rather than the frustration of emotional needs.

What do you think?

Lifewriter