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This is a rather unusual rationale but I come here to share and vent.

Basically I moved in with my now-ex at a low point in life, I'd dropped out of school and had nowhere to go. She'd gotten pregnant shortly before from her ex and I stuck around for a while.

I don't know exactly how I felt about her but I went along with the r/s quietly for 3 years. Finally got a decent job and she wanted to move out and have another kid.

Instead I left, and she found another guy soon after. Now they're having a kid in a couple months. They've been together 8.

So now I was involved in an accident last night, sprained my ankle and I had to call into work. I'm at the edge of my sick time and I feel like if I had just stayed with her this wouldn't have happened, like my bad luck as of late has been caused by this breakup and the rumination.

I don't know where things will go from here. I don't go a day without thinking about the whole thing but I've been feeling more stable as of late at least.

Hi disorderesociety,

Sorry to hear about your accident it seems like terrible timing, but I think you are really minimizing the good that came from your moving on from the r/s.

1. You mentioned having gotten a new job

2. You describe having found stability, that's really powerful stuff man


Lastly, sure this might not have happened if you stayed with your ex, but wouldn't you agree that it would've kept you from growing? You would just be going along with the flow quietly for another X amount of years.

True. Though I so hate this job. It would've been a good job if I'd stayed with her as its very structured and people with kids get promotions and stuff. But it seems like that path was more of a materialistic one. It just seems unfair this guy she's with probably doesn't have to put up with things I had to put up with. Seems like she's more willing to do what he wants so I feel like I was just a wuss.

Regardless it seems fate has given me an opportunity to re-evaluate whether I want to stay at a place that holds memories of her and isn't a fulfilling place to work. I feel like I'm wasting my life away there.

Hmmm perhaps this is the opportunity to search for something you are really passionate about. You're free without obligations.

Sure, you said if you had stayed you would've been promoted. But trust me, being promoted at a job you don't like? It's not worth the money... .as cliche as it sounds, it comes and goes.

Job satisfaction is forever

You should feel lucky. There's always the risk of ending up in jail or dead with a violent BPDex, which was my case. I dont know for sure about you and also if you have a decent job thats luck my friend. Try to be strong and this coming from someone like me whose job is hell since my ex works at the same place I work.

It may sometimes feel that bad luck follows us. I can see why; Ive had times in my life where it seems I just cant catch a break. I realise now that a lot of it was brought on by me and some of it wasn't as bad as I thought, it was my negative frame of mind that made it seem worse than it was.

Try concentrating on the positives.

You have a job.

You are no longer dealing with the direct stress your ex put on you.

You know what you were dealing with and are moving on.

You have the opportunity to rebuild your life how you want it.

Try setting a goal. Even if its a pie dream its always good to have something to aim for. For me its the house in the country with a fruit orchard. I may never get it but its good to have a dream.

Oops, I posted the wrong reply in the wrong thread! That will teach me to have multiple windows open at the same time. OP, I wanted to say that I agree with enlighten me - when all the bad stuff has come crashing down on you, it's easy to start thinking that everything is going wrong. It isn't. Good things are happening, you're out of a toxic relationship, but what you suffered is making you see everything through the lens of that suffering. Few things look good when you're hurting this badly. I hope you are soon far enough on in your recovery to recognise that it's not a question of luck, but your own self-awareness and ability to give yourself space, care, and love. :)

Could a moderator delete my post above, please? I will put it in the correct thread.

Hi balletomane

Its done  :)