BPDFamily.com

Hi, I just got out of a relationship with someone I highly suspect has BPD. The relationship itself was toxic and extremely unhealthy. My ex was controlling, possessive, and had a tendency of hurting me through abusive and manipulative behaviors. I stayed with him for almost two years, that is, until I learned from his BEST FRIEND what he's been doing when we weren't speaking and I was crying and hurting for him to speak to me again. He was attempting to pick up other girls and even showed his best friend a personal, intimate picture of me.

I made sure to tell my parents. They blew up on him. He called me, I told him I knew everything and that I also want pictures of me deleted. He refused at first and claimed he never showed anyone pictures.

It hasn't even been a week and he's contacted me again. I asked him if he got rid of them--he claimed he did. Then, he began sobbing and begging me to take him back. He said he missed me and felt very alone. He thought about suicide (he's made plenty of suicidal remarks before when we were together) and he tried to excuse his actions for picking up girls ("I was mad. You didn't even break up with me in person! You were hiding things from me too.". I wasn't having it. I told him:

-We are never getting back together

-I deserved better

-I don't believe he ever loved me now

-I want him to stop contacting me, to not even approach me at work (we work together)

Part of me felt sorry for him, to hear how emotional he was. He wanted to call me the next day and I told him he couldn't. I said once I feel comfortable, I would let him know but it will take me awhile to get there.

I'm here asking what is there to expect from him next? Should I still stick to my guns even though I feel sorry for him and want him to get help? I want him to heal. I want him to be happy, but not when it will compromise my happiness either. I understand a relationship between us won't solve anything. What could I do, if anything, to help him find his way?

His strategy of making you feel guilty works on you well.

From many of the posts here, the general concensus is that WE, the non, cannot help them, BPD has to help themselves. Using excuses, and suicide threats are not signs of self acknowledgment, these are ways to put  the guilt on the other person.

To stay in love or stay in a r.s. our focus has to be on the other person, not on our feeling. At this time, his feeling is all about him, and not about you.

The rescuer inside all of us wants to help BPD, want to see them healed. But unfortunately, they have to find the way themselves. your helping them really to them is not a help but a sign of your weakening stance and  allows him to get back into your life.

If you want to end the toxic relationship then just be firm and to the point next time he tries to contact. simply say, "I am sorry, this relationship is not working out for both for us. I appreciate if you stop contacting  me from now on." . then hang up, not to let him go into his guilt talk. NExt time he calls, don't answer. If he texts, then just hit delete, don't even open it.