BPDFamily.com

Hey folks. I've been in a domestic partnership for 10yrs with my girl. She is 33 and twice divorced. She has told me she has BPD in the first few years. In the beginning she put me on the pedestal. Wanted to moved in together after only a few months of dating. I told her we should wait and she would get mad. Long story short I caved and it's been one episode after another. She went from wanting me around all the time to staying out all night long. Every few years she'd join a new club and dedicate all of her efforts to these groups. Like coming in at 5 in the morning nightly and getting mad when I complained. With this new group she just cut me off emotionally and can't take it anymore. I told her I was leaving and she said good like she didn't care. Two days later she has a new man. Just wanna know how she could love me and then cut me off and moved on so quickly.

This may sound harsh but I'm being honest with you from my understanding of BPD.

I always say a BPD will stay with you as long as they have a need for you. If at some point they have something in their lives which over rides you (or their need for you) then they will drop you.

Is it possible she went through the idealisation phase of going to these clubs but then realised these clubs where not as great as how she perceived them to be(she devalued them). Now she has found something that meets her needs for now. You got cut off because you were no longer the lead runner so to speak.

I don't believe a full BPD has the ability to love, I believe it's based on need.

I hope that's not harsh to you. It comes with the concept of not personalising a BPDs behaviour.

My logic is that when the other person no longer meets her needs she will find something new or start re idolising you.

It's the heartbreaking reality of BPD x

Hey Zigdog, Welcome!  Everything you describe seems consistent with a BPD r/s, as others here can attest.  I'm sorry for your pain.  Due to the pwBPD's fear of abandonment, it is normal for him/her to latch onto someone new, which usually doesn't last long.  It's all part of the push/pull BPD dynamic.  The question is whether you are ready to get off the BPD roller coaster?  If so, you have taken the first step.  If not, most of us have recycled many times.

LuckyJim

Thanks Lou and Lucky. I have been gone a week now. She called me the other night mad because I told my sister she had cheated and why I changed my Facebook status as widowed. The she called again saying I took something from the house that was hers even though I let her go through the boxes as I moved. I don't get it. It's petty stuff. She has always accused me of cheating and said she hated cheaters yet she's with her friends husband. She told me she didn't sleep with him until I said I was leaving. Now they are together. I believed that in the past with the other groups that she was trying to get me to leave so I could be the bad guy and when didn't she eventually was herself again. This time I had enough. No mother has any business staying until 5 in the morning every night.

Zig wrote---

why I changed my Facebook status as widowed.

---Is she a facebook friend of yours, is that how she saw it?

The she called again saying I took something from the house that was hers

----Maybe coming up with a reason to contact you?

 

Before my undiagnosed husband left, he seemed distraught, had several drinking binges, disassociate,

Sit in a chair for long periods, stare off in space, moved alot slower than normal, said pull me back,  he acted like he didn't want to go but his family told him he should because it was a toxic situation and bad for our daughter. He was verbally abusive too though. Does This Sound Like BPD?

quote author=Lou12 link=topic=283590.msg12675992#msg12675992 date=1443102466]This may sound harsh but I'm being honest with you from my understanding of BPD.

I always say a BPD will stay with you as long as they have a need for you. If at some point they have something in their lives which over rides you (or their need for you) then they will drop you.

Is it possible she went through the idealisation phase of going to these clubs but then realised these clubs where not as great as how she perceived them to be(she devalued them). Now she has found something that meets her needs for now. You got cut off because you were no longer the lead runner so to speak.

I don't believe a full BPD has the ability to love, I believe it's based on need.

I hope that's not harsh to you. It comes with the concept of not personalising a BPDs behaviour.

My logic is that when the other person no longer meets her needs she will find something new or start re idolising you.

It's the heartbreaking reality of BPD x[/quote]

Funny how my xBPDgf indicated the same thing about her involvement with other guys while she was with me. She told me that she was faithful as long as there was no bodily fluid exchanged. WOW.

BPD is unable to sustain the love , that we all think. Their love is simply the initial high from the first stage of the r.s. They express such love so that they can LURE us into the r.s. Once we are in, then that high fades and she looks for some thing new, like a child who wants a toy so bad, but he/she would want another toy only after 1 or 2 weeks of having that toy.

Do they really love us? Yes, but not in the same definition of love as we all know. You cannot apply the normal logic with BPD for they live in a different universe with a different sets of rules and guidelines. WHO KNOWS.