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My BPDxbf is separted from his wife, but they have a meeting in the family court next week which has been called by social services as a result of a child protection plan being put in place. He won't tell me why they have one. I'm smelling a rat. Can it possibly only be because she had too many animals, didn't look after the house and kept one of the children off school? It sounds likely that things are more serious than that. Anyone else had experience of this who could advise me?

Lifewriter x

Hi Lifewriter x,

It sounds like you are still in contact with your BPDxbf, and have some investment in the outcome of the family court hearing?

What ages are the kids? How many animals? Are most of the details ones you have heard from your ex, or do you have any direct knowledge?

I am still in touch with him, just, supposedly as friends but he is pressurising me for more. I am most reluctant. I am suspicious that he won't tell me what's happening about the child protection case because he normally at least tells me something, even if it's a lie. So what's he hiding?

My investment is that I have two children of my own. Are they safe around him or not?

He told me that social services were involved before he moved out. They found images of a sexual nature on something belonging to his step-son. He said he never saw them. He led me to believe it was a one-off when he first mentioned it and that he was barely involved. Now, it seems social services have been involved with his wife for some time and this has come to a head because she hasn't co-operated with existing arrangements put in place by them. He led me to believe it was a new thing, possibly because he step son wasn't attending school, but as time has gone by it has become clear that isn't the case. I find myself wondering if my BPDxbf was told to move out by social services two years ago rather than chose to. Actually, I'm thinking far worse things than that... .

Lifewriter x

Hello Lifewriter16,

There is good reason for you to believe there might be more to this than your ex is telling.

For Child and Family services here in the UK to be taking child protection proceedings into court then it usually means it has gone beyond the assessment stage and further than a child protection planning conference.

Things must have deteriorated significantly and risk of harm must be high for it to get to this stage. Court proceedings can be both at the end of a lengthy process and also as part of emergency intervention where risks are too high to leave. Neither is good.

Here is a link you might find useful

www.tcsw.org.uk/standard-2col-rhm-mediacentre.aspx?id=6442451142

I've had some clarification. My BPDxbf says he isn't actually going to court, he has a meeting with a social worker and has been told to have a solicitor present. He said the purpose is to prevent the case going to court. There has been a child protection planning conference in the last 3 weeks.

Lifewriter

Since all the information you're getting is filtered through the xbf, you are unlikely to get the full story.  Lacking enough details, you will probably have to proceed very cautiously - and listen to your gut.

If he's your ex, then there's a reason for that, probably best to keep it that way.  While many have tried to keep a limited relationship with a pwBPD, that's very difficult and invites more problems than it resolves.  Due to the volatility and unpredictable ups and downs, many have found there was no stable middle ground.  If that is so in your case, could you end the relationship with your ex, that is, wish him well in his life but Let Go and Move On?

Thanks everyone for your posts.

This child protection case has been one of the final nails in the coffin of my relationship with my BPDxbf. It's time to accept that any man who is involved in a child protection case as a client of social services comes from a world that I want no part of. It simply goes against my values. Even if he was white as snow, he's got very dodgy connections and I don't want to expose my children to that world.

Love Lifewriter