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I'm now three months out of my BPD relationship and have been thinking about why so many BPDs recycle their exes but why I wasn't? My ex is going through an especially stressful time right now, she lost a family member, has a really unhealthy sleeping pattern and is about restart university. Despite the reason she broke up with me wasn't massive aggressive (I believe it was engulfment) she has yet to even try talking to me.

I know its not healthy to think like this but it's just another hit in my self-esteem.

Recycles have to do with available supply, not so much stress.  My ex left when she got a new job as a Secretary.  So she met so many new people coming into her job every day and had an easy time smiling and baiting new guys to ask her out.  .  Sorry.  University, most likely she will met lots of new people.

Not all do recycle. My exgf said once it was over she never went back. That said we dated twice twenty years apart though and I finished with her.

I'm not sure it's university which will be her supply. She's become very anxious and the only time I know she's gone out in the last couple of months was because her best friend went with her and had to drink a bunch to get over the anxiety.

If anything I think it's her online friends which are her supply right now.

Hi Corgi. I'm really sorry for your situation. You'll find people here though who can understand the confusions that BPD brings.

My exw and I dated twice 6 yrs apart, so that was a recycle of a sort. But at the end of the marriage she'd started another r/s, and was fully emotionally occupied. It's not too cynical to say that I was only ever a cardboard cutout for her, the one who was supposed to fill her emotionally and didn't. This was fully on display after she blindsided me and bolted. I too hoped for something, not a recycle but just an acknowledgement, but got nothing. It's been very hard. Please lean on your friends now, maintain your social connection.

BTW, we had a Cardigan, and the doggie went with her.  :'(

My former friend BPD doesn't recycle.  She did sort of try to recycle our friendship, but it was all manipulation on her part because she was desperate and facing the prospect of being homeless.  Once she stops feeling something for someone, she's done.  I've never once heard her say anything about going back to an ex, though she does tend to have a major problem sticking with No Contact for a long time.  She's always hovering.  

I think my ex doesnt recyle me out of shame.

I was only ever recycled when it was him who left me, and then I indicated I hadn't wanted the relationship to end. As soon as I left him, there was no recycle attempt. His fear of abandonment is such that if he thought I was leaving him, he'd have to leave me first. When I finally did end the relationship, it was game over. He'd see it as "losing face" if we ever got back together, as he'll have painted me very very black to everyone who knows him, and he'd see it as too humiliating. His pride is stronger than his need to recycle.