BPDFamily.com

I've never posted in forums like these and am new to what BPD is though I have done a fair share or reading already, but despite that it almost doesn't matter sometimes when the behavior is so illogical or sporadic. Anyway, my issue currently is that my girlfriend has BPD and it is causing issues that I just cannot understand and neither can she, though she has not been officially diagnosed.

I don't usually give in to self diagnosed claims but reading an article on BPD it was as if someone had followed her around and taken notes and presented it back to me. She matches nearly all if not all traits and things mentioned in just about any article outlining the disorder. She refuses to get treatment, or even see a doctor to get diagnosed because she fears what her mother will think. She claims her relationship with her is weird (best friends yet has to lie to get what she wants and her mother is very controlling). She also refuses to go to a doctor behind her mother's back in fear that she will find out and be disappointed in her. We have been together on and off in a long distance relationship for 9 months.

When we met I was originally with someone else who I was not very happy with, just "content". I began talking to her romantically even though she was aware I was still in a relationship (I'm aware that was scummy of me, not the point of my post), and it was very emotionally intense. She was so attached to me and would do anything I had wished, would talk to me constantly and stay up all night talking to me about how she was sad, etc. We would Skype and call every day and she would always ask to as well, brag to each other's friends about who we met and how amazing they were, the works. She was always trying to impress me and I was doing the same.

This continued for about 2 months until she began wondering when I was going to dump my current ex, I told her I was going to soon but never quite could because I began feeling guilt for what I was doing behind her back and was also very angry at her for what she had done to me in the past (cheating multiple times, lying), and for some reason I just couldn't let go of someone I had spent so many years with. Eventually about after a month of me not doing what I said I would, she called me one night and said she no longer loved me and wanted to leave. It was so sudden and out of no where, and she was so cold during our call, except for when she would burst into anger at me for how I had treated her like a choice and not a person. She went to a party the day after and called me on Skype afterwards to tell me that she had had a fling with her ex again, and I later learned she enjoyed to see my negative reactions to it. Basically enjoyed seeing me suffer.

She then began a relationship with him again (apparently they had been on and off for 2 years) not even a week later. Despite this they had constant fights whenever they weren't sedated with weed, and she broke it off because of the constant fights. She then dated another guy long distance who I had known a few days after that, and he was very emotionally abusive. He would monitor all her social media accounts and decide if she would go out with her male friends or not, demand screenshots of her inbox and had her delete and block people he didnt like, which included me.

After about 2 months she had to leave him because he messaged her mother without her knowing and basically cussed her out for wanting her daughter to pay for his hotel stay and plane ticket there (about $1,000, which she agreed to work night shifts to do). She promised him that despite this they would wait for each other and find a way to be together. This did not last even a week and she cut him off and was seeking other men online of course. A week or two of that and I get a message from her and a friend request, saying that what she did was a big mistake, and that she basically needed me back in her life because I was the only one who really cared for her and that she lied when she told me she didnt love me and should have stayed, that she left because she wanted me to be with someone better but also that she hated me for what I did to her. I was later told that she messaged me just wanting to be friends but that her feelings for me had resurfaced and she felt love towards me again.

Whether I was foolish or not to allow her back in i dont know. The way she acted when she was asking for me back was like how I had never seen her act before. She took full responsibility for her actions, recognized that she was wrong, and said she would do anything for me back. It was like the old her was back, which i hadnt seen in so long since she was so angry and hostile towards me after the initial departing (I guess she painted me black). This new honey moon stage did not last long, and started to fade.

She began becoming very reclusive and numb, yet at the same time would have the thirst to go out to parties and drink. She seems to have an unhealthy love for alcohol and weed, saying she loves it and cant wait until shes 21 to buy as much as she wants. Anyway, about a month later of coming back, she called me and said she didnt think it was going to work out because of many things. Her constant fears, her not knowing if she will love me when I visit her or that she will love me too much and hate when i leave, how her mother now hates long distant relationships and doesnt know how I will be able to meet them or even be allowed, if she will get bored of the relationship or do something to mess it up, and I try to be as understanding with her as possible and it seems to make little progress.

She says she can clearly see that it is me doing all the work in the relationship, that Im the one who is always the ray of light to her stormy cloud, how "logically youre prefect, so i dont know why Im not falling for you". She now claims that she feels nothing for me whatsoever, even sexually when we used to be very attracted to one another. She says that she feels like she isnt even in her own body, like she doesnt know who she is and just wants to be alone and away from the world. That she isnt the same person she was when we met, that before she just "used to get sad sometimes" but now its like an everyday struggle. Her father she also belives has BPD if that matters.

Fast forward one month and she wants to "have a talk with me tonight". A reoccuring problem now is that we are distant, both physically as always, but now emotionally as well. We skype maybe once a month and call the same, which is much different than before. She used to ask to Skype or call every night, but hasnt for weeks, and when I do she says maybe or that she is busy when I know she isnt, or when we do she looks at her phone the whole time and gets upset when I get annoyed and leave (her apologies are always robotic), she makes no effort to build this emotional closeness we used to have despite agreeing to my suggestions of doing things more often, even though thats her excuse for leaving, or not feeling anything, which doesnt make sense to me or her since its so out of the blue. She currently is barely replying to my texts and they are very very cold compared to usual. She doesnt care for much beyond small talk and her good mornings and good nights are nothing more than that. She seems to be locking herself away from me before this talk.

I have read some things on BPD, and I believe she seems to show some signs of all 4 types. Shes always a Waif, ALWAYS the victim in any situation, shes a Queen in the sense that she never wants to go back on her word or take responsibility and will break others down to build herself up, a Witch in that she has very youre with me or against me thinking and will hurt her friends on purpose if they hurt her, and a Hermit in that she always wants to be alone and away from the world. I would really appreciate any insight you all can give me on my situation, be it why she is acting the way she is and why this situation is playing out the way it is. I can provide additional information as needed. Theres honestly so much to write about her and this it would be too much to read.