BPDFamily.com

Are people with BPD capable of being monogamous and faithful?

I'm pretty sure some are. My BPDh "cheated", but he sees that differently than I do. He'd been telling me he wanted to sleep with other women(talk about a knife to the heart!), and then he left me, and within two weeks he slept with a bisexual dominatrix. I see this as cheating due to the fact that he'd been wanting to sleep with other women, and due to how soon it happened after he left me. I just think he must lack some serious self esteem and I know he has a serious lack of boundaries.

It's left me with a slight fear that he'll cheat even now that we've reconciled, and I've never had those fears in a relationship before. I'm not a super jealous type. The type of person he cheated with is disgusting to me(I get the feeling this dominatrix hired herself out too), and really damaged my respect of BPDh. People have always told me I have so much class, and yet, he felt he didn't deserve or want better than that?

Lots of people on here though to seem to have partners that don't cheat. I think it's a common thread for people with BPD to cheat(impulse control issues), but I do not think they all do. That is my two cents.

I firmly believe that a BPD is much more likely to cheat on their partners. They seem to have such a need to find validation, even if it's at the risk of destroying one with a person who values them as a person and as a partner. My experience has been that they will already have someone in the wings as their next romantic relationship, when they begin to sabotage their present relationship. Prevents having to deal with being abandoned. Do it before it's done to them. Aren't we all tired of other people trying , or more often not trying to work thru their issues in our lives ? So yes, they are most likely cheating on you either emotionally or physically, whether you are ready to acknowledge it or not.

I don't believe my husband cheated, or will cheat.  That being said, it doesn't mean that things aren't weird or non-existent in the bedroom.

He does use p0rn on a daily or almost daily basis.

So, just because someone is technically monogamous and faithful, doesn't mean that aspect of the relationship isn't broken.  Honestly, there is a part of me that would feel like things would be easier for me if he was not faithful, in terms of relationship progress or breakup progress.

I think his impulse control issues manifests in different ways (driving, spending, drinking).

Cerulanblue wrote---

People have always told me I have so much class, and yet, he felt he didn't deserve or want better than that?

------I see this is written about on the boards... .I don't know what the reason is, but a pwBPD will often choose someone who is of a "lower" character, and may feel they don't deserve someone who is more classy... .not sure why

In my experience and as far as i know my ex gf did not cheated but our first BU was for almost 2 months and she went out a couple of times with a guy very quick but according to her nothing happened, our final BU at first it was supposed to be a break/time off and we were talking everyday but she slept with the guy she started a relationship that same week, continued talking to me and playing with me for another week, i found out she slept with me the next day she was with this other guy and recently i found out that she was sharing personal things with this person before our BU so i guess that can be considered emotional cheating (this was a normal behavior from her looking back).

This was a 5 year relationship and she was pretty much with me all the time unless she was working, now i know she went out several times me thinking she was sleeping lol and never told me  lol i don't have a reason to believe she was physical with someone else during our r/s but reading around in this forum and other sites it seems they always cheat on some level and as soon they sense things might not work out they move on and extremely quick so that means they had this person waiting.

Are they capable of being completely faithful ? in my experience nope and you shouldn't trust someone that hide things from you specially if thats your "SO".

My biggest worry about the relationship is cheating, I feel equipped to handle setting boundaries, validating, being present to the moment, and working through my personal baggage but I don't know if I can handle it if he always has someone waiting in the wings.

It seems so unfair to put my blood sweat and tears into the relationship with the very good chance he will end up cheating on me.