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Hi. So I've been feeling anxious basically my whole life. I really feel like it has a lot to do with growing up with an uBPD mom. She was so inconsistent with what was expected of me. Independence was stifled and fear was fostered.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder? I haven't been to a mental health professional as of yet, but my anxiety is getting really bad. It's physically debilitating. So there's a good chance I'll go and see someone.

My question to you all is, growing up with an uBPD parent, did you suffer from anxiety? How did you cope with it?

Pink_heart, I don't think I grew up with a BPD parent but I was very anxious and shy as a child and still struggle with it from time to time today. From the things that I've worked through I discovered the the most likely cause of my anxiety is either genetic (which seems like a cop out) or from trauma when I was very young. Now, I grew up the last of 5 kids with the oldest two sisters who wanted to "play with the baby". I also shared a room until I was 4 with my two brothers, the older of which is a lot like my father who enjoys poking and people just to watch them squirm (one of his favorite things to do in college was to "psychoanalyze" his girlfriends until they cried). Being a small child I probably took these (relatively) innocent activities and perceived them as attacks on myself, completely uncontrollable and unpredictable, and turned them into triggers for anxiety.

How about you? Do you remember what life was like when you were that young? When was the first time you remember feeling the anxiety?

I would agea with the above. A BPD mom is bound to make you feel anxious, it’s their job. Mine did. She was a born worrier that always saw the worst. She had no techniques to self sooth, so projected all these anxieties onto her kids. I did think I was Mr unflappable, because I thought I’d become immune to her doom mongering. But closer inspection taught me, I had picked up some of her bad habits in a watered down way.

I did something called CBT that categories the thoughts that make us anxious and that helps us notice them and correct them with healthy ones. So for example, my BPD wouldn't let you sit still "early bird" etc... But sitting still is an important part of relaxing. My BPD would punish you for a mistake, and although I say "who cares about small mistakes" subcontiously I was a bit of a perfectionist - not any more, call me Mr Slap happy now. Happier at least.

I would most certainly get expert help, even if it’s just a good self help book. BPD instilled these unhealthy thoughts within us over a long period of time. So knowing what not to do isn’t enough, we have to practice what not to do over and over. And then have a cup of tea and biscuit.  :)

I have been diagnosed with anxiety by both my primary and my therapist. 

I was in the office over a cough and saw a different provider since mine is out.  She did tell me that anxiety is on my chart.

PinkHeart44:

I think I came out of the womb anxious, lol.  My sister is the one with uBPD.  My parents were both anxious individuals.  My mom was an anxious person without any psychological issues and she had a good disposition.  My dad was, also, an anxious person, but in his case he had issues.  My mom indicated that my dad was depressed when she started to date him.

My parents recently passed, both at the age of 92.  In their day, there wasn't much information about psychological disorders and people rarely sought therapy or were medicated.  Knowing what I know now, I'd speculate that my dad was a bit ADD, a bit obsessive-compulsive and likely had SAD.  My dad wasn't physically abusive, but he had a bad temper and was hypercritical. My mom had to hound him to go out socially to even a small degree.

Within the last 10 years, the light bulb turned on in regard to SAD.  A lot of info. was readily available and it explained why I'm usually depressed during the Fall and Winter, only to perk up in the Spring and Summer.  If I grew up today, I'd likely be diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder and ADD. Every year with SAD has been different, but it did become more severe as I have gotten older. 

As a child, I was very shy and generally stressed.  I kept worries in and didn't share what was bothering me.  I didn't like getting shots.  I grew up during the time that Polio was a threat.  I was told that if I went outdoors without a sweater/coat in chilly weather, I might catch Polio (wise tale, but I didn't know it as a child).  I was a Camp Fire Girl and I can remember that we would visit hospital wards where children had had polio and were in iron lungs.  I would have bad dreams about that.

What has helped me is meditation and exercise. In the Fall and Winter, I use an SAD light.  Keeping busy helps.  I've found that during bouts with anxiety, I tend to feel anxious first thing in the morning.  In this situation, it is best for me to just get out of bed and get busy (even when I want to linger in bed) I started taking a low dose of the antidepressant Celexa, during the Fall and Winter months.  I generally titrate on (a couple of weeks before Fall starts) and off of it around the start of Spring. I was prescribed a beta blocker about 10 years ago, after what was thought to be a panic attack.  My BP had been a bit on the high side, so it has been something I continue to take that serves two purposes.  I have a prescription for Xanax, which I use rarely and sparingly.  I generally have one prescription a year and some years I get one refill.  I reserve it for times when I can't calm down by other means or when I have extended bouts of insomnia.

In my case, it took me a number of years to put the pieces of the puzzle together.  I've surmised that I have a genetic predisposition to anxiety, SAD and depression.

Sadly, my sister took a bad path and fits the description of uBPD.  We both share the same genetics, but my sister choose the BPD route.  She holds it together for her church friends, but is a "_itch on wheels" with her immediate family and is most often grouchy and displays explosive anger.  She loves to play a blame game and want argues over the smallest things.  They say, "pick the hill you want to die on" (meaning don't argue over every little thing).  My sister wants to die on every hill.

In conclusion, I'd say that genetics is a factor.  How we handle our genetics makes the difference. Best to seek therapy.  Although it can be ok for some people to get meds from a primary care doctor, it isn't the best situation for everyone.  My sister gets an antidepressant from her primary care doctor, but no pill can fix the bad behaviors someone has accumulated over the years.  Anger management doesn't just happen by popping a pill, nor does a pill teach you ways to interact with others in a less hostile manner.

Best wishes to you.  I recently choose to get some therapy and it has been helpful.

Naughty