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Well although I'm making progress I still find myself in disbelief about the whole situation. It's been over 2 months of NC but I do find myself thinking about her sometimes. Sometimes I think I'm in the anger faze but not sure. I went to my parents house for dinner yesterday and realized the last time I was there for dinner was with my ex gf. It put a damper on the whole day. To the point in which I couldn't wait to go home. Also tomorrow is her birthday. I have no intention of texting her but it still a little sad. I hope as the day goes on I can snap out of this. Sucks because I was feeling good, I even went out with a girl for a second date on Saturday which went really well. I need a pick me up.

Hi Bigmd,

*welcome*

I'm sorry to hear that. You knew your ex for 6 years. I think that there are triggering periods, things that you did together, birthdays and holidays. I think that you need more time behind you. It's good to hear that your date went well and that you are out connecting with other people. We need connection with people.

Big

I used to be crying almost daily during 4 yrs for my uBPDex bf... .feeling sorry for him, feeling sorry for myself, grieving the loss of ... .well not so much him, but the loss of the dream of the perfect rs which we were having when times were good. I did not know anything about BPD up until a few months ago.

So now I come here to read all the horror stories in order to keep me away from ny ex ... .and to not forget the bad times. It does get better as time goes by... .No Contact has helped a lot and the radical acceptance that my partner most probably is not gonna change... .no matter how much love, affection, understanding I might offer.

Take care and hang on in there.

Thanks guys . Sugar I do find that when I start missing her I think about the numerous bad times we had, the critiquing , the silent treatment . Then I ask myself why I even stayed as long as I did and why would I even want her back. some days are easier than others. But I keep moving forward. Therapy and nc are helping. I do however wonder if she is expecting a happy birthday wish from me.

The funny thing is a year ago to the day I was in a silent treatment for something stupid. This is before I knew of BPD. After sending a letter she texted me saying we should take a break. I was devastated . So her birthday came and we weren't together for it. But like an idiot I sent her 3 dozen roses the next day at work and basically had to plead my case over the phone for an hour. So crazy . I also got her the Louis Vuitton bag she wanted so that also mad things better. Lol.

Hey Bigmd, I understand that you might feel tempted to reach out to your Ex on her birthday, but my suggestion is to stay the course.  If you decide to contact her, you may find yourself in more pain after the ball shifts to her court, so-to-speak.  Why reopen the wound?  I've done it and it doesn't feel good.

LuckyJim

Thanks Jim , I have no intentions on contacting her. Was just wondering if tats what's she's expecting .