BPDFamily.com

Have any of you helped your pwBPD get back into the workforce?  My BPDxw needs to get back into the workforce after staying at home raising young children for a decade.  She's taking a certificate program to help in this matter, but she's also interested in internships.  I offered to solicit leads from my network as well as help her pursue any leads she finds.

Any stories to share, successes and failures?  For the failures, did your professional reputation take a hit?  Things you would do differently?

Yes, it was a simple secretary job,  She was hired shortly after rehab.  Good luck.

Separated nearly 10 years, divorced for over 7 years... .I recall the time she had to come to the lawyer's office to sign something she she said when she got rich she'd send son and I on a nice vacations.  Reality check.  After the marital equity was gone, to my knowledge, she's just been scraping by.

She did take classes and got state certifications, 3 categories so far as I know.  She went back in the past year and was working on her fourth when the place closed without warning, I think she's trying to find a way to finish elsewhere.  Meanwhile she's been working at different workplaces, changing every year or two.  Too often they want her to bring her own clients or they give her only part time work.  So it's been a real struggle for her.

There was so much high conflict in our separation, divorce and subsequent years that it would never have worked for me to provide her any references.  If the unwinding of your relationship was less confrontational, then maybe you could help out, but beware of feeling 'obligated' or 'guilted' to do so.  To get perspective and objectivity, imagine yourself looking back a few years from now, what would you tell yourself, go ahead or step back?

However, if there are shared children or you risk paying her alimony, then it may be in your better interests to provide some (limited and cautious) assistance.

The bolded pretty much fits my situation.  I have a vested interest due to support payments, but I'm not going to do her work for her in finding a job and will not be guilted into it.  Our conflict is not as hot as yours and others, so my limited assistance should be able to help.

I'm curious of stories of folks in my situation where they felt it would work initially, but then ran into issues.  Cautionary tales, I guess.

Hi Hopeful Dad,

Yes, my father is a professional class worker. After being laid off twice, he came to work at the business I worked at in college. He literally bankrupted it and it has hurt my relationships with those involved. He then asked me to help him create his own start up. I did all the ground work along with one of his colleagues. When it came time for him to start working, he refused to do any work. He tried to get me to do his work for him which I lack the ability and experience to do. So he made me look like an idiot. I'd think very carefully about it.