BPDFamily.com

Have you ever started seeing a new therapist while your partner was actively dysregulating really intensely and you needed immediate help to cope? How do you even explain the whole story and your partner's behavior to a new therapist? I have this whole list of absolutely mindblowing incidents, I don't even know where to start.

I was in individual T for the past three years or so, at first to address family issues that I really had resolved, and then to deal with my uBPDgf opening some old wounds and inflicting many, many new ones. Toward the end we worked a lot on boundaries and protecting myself so that my career and safe living situation aren't affected by my partner's roller-coaster.

Then I moved to another state. My T and I agreed that I'd made a lot of progress and didn't really need to continue, unless my partner started dysregulating regularly again, the T said.

So of course the move triggered my partner to dysregulate and display some truly crazymaking behavior (see my other thread about her pretending to have my serious illness -- plus breaking up with me and changing her mind the next day, accusing me of having mental problems and treating her so badly it makes her want to kill herself, etc).

I have an appointment with a new T tomorrow who deals with trauma (I've been having some disturbing nightmares and panic attacks about the relationship) and also coping with chronic illness. I thought it would be a good idea to see someone who could help me work on new things and make my life better instead of just stop it from getting worse.

I just don't even know what to say when I go in. I'm really torn up about the latest episode with the flippant disease appropriation. I need immediate help processing and coping with that just so that I can get through a day at work without breaking down. But I'm afraid the new T won't really understand why it's so painful, because she doesn't have the backstory of how I suffered with the illness pre-diagnosis or all of the horrible things I've had to deal with in this relationship. I'm afraid she won't even believe me about the things my partner has done.

My previous T was with me through all of it; the illness getting progressively more disabling, me struggling for diagnosis, me recovering from the FOO issues and then my partner coming in and reinforcing all of the negative messages that I had just managed to get over, all of the worst and most heartbreaking dysregulation episodes. I called her today but she hasn't called back and I'm not sure she can talk with me much for liability and/or payment reasons.

I'm also scared of acting like my partner, or seeming like I'm the disordered one and painting HER black. Because she's been telling me for months that I'm the one with the mental problems, and sometimes she can be very convincing  :'(

Just tell your story... .focus more on you than her.  But she is part of the dynamic.

Your T will help guide you.

In fact... .I would tell the above thing to your T.

Remember... .this person is in your corner. 

FF

Thanks FF   it's such a relief to have people in my corner!

I encourage you to set all your stories down on paper. It's very therapeutic and you can hand it off to your T so that they have the whole story.

Solid idea.  Especially for someone that admits to being in crisis or high stress.  Likelihood of missing a detail is high... .forgetting something.

FF