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Title: my 39 yr old daughter's progress Post by: jaya on September 30, 2015, 12:17:15 PM Five months ago I posted my introduction; I'm 72 and dealing with my BPD daughter's choices. She had taken on some mini horses and boarded them for free or trade-out, at a nearby stable. I had been paying her own rent for a year, because she had ongoing health crises and could no longer work, but when I realized she had no way of paying for maintenance and boarding of her minis, I pulled the financial plug, and with the help of advice and encouragement here on this site, I held my ground, knowing she should have learned her lesson before. (She had bought a ranch and several horses a few years ago with her dad's inheritance, but she ran out of money and lost everything). Since then she and her roommates have found a way to pay her share of the rent (DSHS), she had major urgent surgery in August (the last time I saw her was at the hospital) and is recovering to the point she hopes to go back to work soon. So she has made progress; I have kept my distance (she continues to resent me for pulling the financial plug) but I phone and leave messages encouraging her for moving forward (she doesn't talk to me directly). Now I see a posting on social media that she needs to move the minis--she tends to feud with people. Don't know how she is paying for hay, vet etc. It's her problem. I doubt I get a frantic call for financial bailout again, but if I do, I know I need continuing support. Thanks!
Title: Re: my 39 yr old daughter's progress Post by: Rapt Reader on September 30, 2015, 01:27:02 PM Now I see a posting on social media that she needs to move the minis--she tends to feud with people. Don't know how she is paying for hay, vet etc. It's her problem. I doubt I get a frantic call for financial bailout again, but if I do, I know I need continuing support. Thanks! Welcome back, jaya *welcome* You are on the right track, I think... .It's hard to witness our child self-destruct right before our very eyes, but when that child is an adult, living on his/her own, and not looking for our advice, we do need to step back and see if he/she can figure it all out. At best, if you do get that frantic call for financial help, you could use S.E.T. to handle the situation: S=Support: ":)aughter, I'm so sorry that things haven't worked out for you the way you'd hoped... ." E=Empathy: "If that happened to me, I would also be frantic and upset... ." T=Truth: "I'm here for you as an emotional support system, and do care, though I cannot help financially... ." Or something like that, maybe? |