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Title: That moment when your brain triggers itself Post by: Invictus01 on October 05, 2015, 09:40:42 PM Don't wanna repeat my story, I think I have done it a few times on here. Let's just say that after a few months of almost ironclad NC (Nov. 14 - Apr 15), I had a few months of LC (Apr. 15 - Aug. 15). During that time I kinda realized that nothing good comes from LC (besides constantly talking about her life and her problems as if my life doesn't exist... .even though when she popped up back in my life back in April she actually made an attempt at making it sound like she cared) and about 6 weeks ago we had our last text exchange after which I decided to be done with it. Haven't heard from her since, I am sure she found somebody else to complain about anything and everything that constantly goes wrong in her life (aka pity play). Although 6-8 weeks has been the time frame when she decides to randomly poke me, so I have a feeling something is coming up. Great timing too, next month will be a year since she ghosted me. But anyway, after 6 weeks, what does my brain do? It decides to dream about her... .all night long... .having sex with her and all that good stuff... .How I managed not to text her today, I have no idea. Now I can't stop thinking about her... .again. Come on, brain, I really don't need THIS!
Title: Re: That moment when your brain triggers itself Post by: LostGhost on October 05, 2015, 10:00:41 PM I'm in a similar position. Sometimes, with great difficulty, I can manage to block thoughts of her for a while. But my subconscious is relentless. Since the day we broke up, I have dreamed about her every single night. Is that normal? Is there a way to stop? I guess I enjoy the sexual dreams but at the same time they leave me in a state of total and utter confusion when I wake up. It's as if she's making me fall in love all over again every night, so I'm left craving contact with her when I wake up.
Right now we have quite a bit of contact by text and I've seen her in person a few times and it's been this way for about a month. There's no indication of a recycle coming at this point. I've tried dropping hints here and there but she doesn't reciprocate. I guess I'm being kept around as a backup, I really don't know. Eventually I'm going to have to make a hard decision I think, to not only walk away from any hope at reconciling a relationship but also saying goodbye to my best friend because it's not healthy for me. My feelings are not platonic. I'm addicted and hope for more but it's just not going in that direction. Title: Re: That moment when your brain triggers itself Post by: once removed on October 05, 2015, 11:34:22 PM my ex and i broke up four and a half years ago. in the immediate aftermath i had dreams nightly for a week or two. they tapered off but id have the occasional one. i came here half a year ago and ive had dreams almost once a month.
thankfully, when i wake up and remember them these days, theres no emotional weight, but it does underline for me the fact that we have been through traumatic experiences and it takes very little to dig that up. our brains have a tendency to do this. it is the natural processing of trauma, and some of it feels unnecessarily painful. sometimes its a symptom of depression when our brains go into "garbage truck" mode and seem to deliberately think about and recall things in the most painful possible terms. you say you had your last text exchange six weeks ago and that she tends to reach out after six to eight, so it seems natural to me that this dynamic would be weighing on your mind unconsciously, consciously, or both. theres a certain conditioning and expectation that may be going on. if she does reach out, how do you intend to respond? Title: Re: That moment when your brain triggers itself Post by: cyclistIII on October 05, 2015, 11:38:07 PM Why are our brains so dumb? Seriously. They should know better. :-(
Title: Re: That moment when your brain triggers itself Post by: Invictus01 on October 06, 2015, 07:54:34 AM my ex and i broke up four and a half years ago. in the immediate aftermath i had dreams nightly for a week or two. they tapered off but id have the occasional one. i came here half a year ago and ive had dreams almost once a month. thankfully, when i wake up and remember them these days, theres no emotional weight, but it does underline for me the fact that we have been through traumatic experiences and it takes very little to dig that up. our brains have a tendency to do this. it is the natural processing of trauma, and some of it feels unnecessarily painful. sometimes its a symptom of depression when our brains go into "garbage truck" mode and seem to deliberately think about and recall things in the most painful possible terms. you say you had your last text exchange six weeks ago and that she tends to reach out after six to eight, so it seems natural to me that this dynamic would be weighing on your mind unconsciously, consciously, or both. theres a certain conditioning and expectation that may be going on. if she does reach out, how do you intend to respond? If it does happen, I'll need to see what she has to say. I'd probably respond because, frankly, I think it is simply rude not to respond, BPD or not. I am in a much more stable condition than I was a year ago. She reached out to me 6 weeks or so after disappearing on me and it just had a violent effect on me. I pretty much came unglued for a couple of days. Last time she reached out? It was late at night, I was getting ready to go to bed, so I looked at the messaged and went to bed and responded at my convenience the next day. The whole reason I went LC with her was because I kinda sorta didn't want to believe that she might be BPD. You know, one of those things that you almost refuse to accept. And the longer I stayed in LC and compared what I saw and heard from her with what I learned about PDs, the more apparent it was that, unfortunately, it is what it is. I have said it many many times - I will not get involved with somebody who has mental issues, no matter which flavor. A PD won't an exception to this rule. |