BPDFamily.com

Hello I was 2 years with my ex gf she was diagnozed with PTSD one year ago I susspect BPD because of her behavior. After two years I was financialy and emotionaly destroyed the same goes to my mental health I think. We splitted like for 6-7 times during this 2 years. It was amazing or really ___ty. We had dreams to get our own house (she was living with me and I was only one paying the bills) etc. After this 2 years I decided it's to much for me I broke up with her it was really hard but I was still emotionaly attached to her , she was and is aware of that. I had three hard months to do anything with myself now I am getting beter I feel this. When I broke up I think I triggerd the fear of abadonment she told me after this is not the same like it was her feelings are different. If I am painted black for so long (4 months) will I be recycled , what with other feelings we shared compassion and love is this fake ?

I don't really know if you'll be recycled, you may... .you've been recycled many times in the past. I think the only way you may not be is if she is engaged or has someone else occupying her time right now. Do you want a recycle? if you do please be careful with wanting this because the next discard will be more painful than the last one. I'm going through this right now of being NO contact for several months. i went back after 7 months and was discarded a few weeks later, only for him to return to the Other woman and get engaged to her. protect your heart if one does occur.

I don't think anyone can say for sure... Many factors ; replacement? Reason for being painted black? Does she still respect you or did she zap you of all your power? ... In any case be careful... After my break up... I was contacted and it just kept giving me false hope... The unpredictable nature of BPD can leave you dazed as to why they want contact or why they want to talk... Like the reader above me they often come back... The guy/girl gets excited then the BPD is gone before you can blink

BPD are VERY unpredictable. I like to call them predictably unpredictable. It's just the nature of the disorder. They can feel one emotion today and a completely opposite emotion tomorrow. Mine specifically told me this herself. They don't act like nons.

Having said that, of course the best is to focus on yourself and getting yourself back, not her : )

I agree you have to get to a point where your doing you and living good without her... Easier said then done but attempting to "win" her doesn't work... You need to do you and be relaxed to the point where if she contacts you okay... But if not , life goes on they are unpredictable many post about being contacted as much as 5 years later... Long story short I wouldn't pin a future on her

It takes two to be recycled. if you don't want it then no you wont be.

What you have to ask is do I want to be recycled if she asks me?

It's like after this 4 months I am way more thinking with my mind than with my heart. She left me or I triggered the fear of abadonement saying: we should give us little bit time , I went to home for 4 days. We were born in different countries , when I was back she said: she doesn't love no more and from this time we haven't spoken a lot (only at the begin  This was little bit crazy and really addictive , all this unpredictable behavior I could not find sense. Changig life goals , needs and all the drama with it. Of course there were amazing moments we shared this is why it was so complicated. Yes she got replacement an old friend she broke up contact with him while we were toghether (reason:bad influence).

I feel way better now but sometimes a song in a radio reminds me as we used to listen lot of music. From the last talk she was like someone else (behavior and things she said) I met 2 years ago , so it leave you confused. Whe don't have contact with each other.

A sufferer of BPD lack a stable sense, have an unstable self image and don't know who they are and have feelings of emptiness and may change life goals, careers, friends and values often.

I can see how that would feel confusing when her behavior shifts from devaluation to idealization. Do you feel like she is idealizing you or putting you on a pedestal by saying all good things about you?

It sounds like you may be split white, a sufferer of BPD have do not see people as an integrated whole with both good and bad qualities. A pwBPD have dichotomous thinking, or black and white thinking and see the world and people in it as either all good or all bad.

PERSPECTIVES: From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.0)