BPDFamily.com

I am not sure where to get help. My daughter is  22 and diagnosed in July as BPD and bipolar.  She is in total denial and have now stopped therapy and refuses to take any medicine she is combative, angry and constantly negative. Her behavior is so bad that my 20 year old and 17 year old daughters want to move out because they don't want to live with her. I am so stressed my IBS is constant. I am missing a lot of work because I am so sick from stress. I have started taking Xanax and seeing a therapist. I am on the verge of make making her move out but she doesn't have a job or anywhere to go. What can I dom

Hi Mindy,

*welcome*

I'm sorry to hear that   I can see how stressful all of this would be. It's good to hear that you are talking to a T, it helps to talk to members that have walked a mile in your shoes.

Some experts say BPD is a shame based disorder and a sufferer of BPD feel more negative emotions than positive emotions. A sufferer of BPD feel emotions more intensely, can't regulate their emotions and self sooth; it can take some time to return to their emotional baseline.

Boundaries are an invisible outward layer that protect our morals and values, we have the lessons on the right side of the board that will help you.

Have you talked to your D20 and D17 about boundaries? How are your boundaries with D22?

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries)

Hi Mindy,

I'm glad you are here and so sorry to hear that the stress level at home is so very high.   

The anxiety we experience from being exposed to an ongoing unhealthy environment is very real and does manifest itself in our physical bodies.  I know this first hand as I was developing an anxiety disorder from the daily grind with my daughter.  Mutt directed you to some information on boundaries... this is what I had to do first and foremost before I could create an emotionally and physically safe space to learn how to make other positive changes to help my daughter and my family.

Having clearly stated boundaries and an action plan in the face of my daughter's rages, threats of self harm, and defiance relieved much of the stress I felt.  We are here to help you do the same.



lbj

Hi Mindy,

*welcome*

So sorry that you're going through so much with your daughter. You've definitely taken a positive step by joining here.  

It's hard when one of our family member tends to drain our resources - financially, emotionally - especially when it comes to mental illness. But like others are saying, there are ways to start shifting some of the situation (and drama) that wants everyone moving out (or moving her out). Change is hard, but like so many of us have shown in our own families... .change is possible.

Does your therapist have any suggestions so far?

~DG  

Hi Mindy,

I wanted to say hello and welcome too. You're in the right place -- we've all walked a mile in your shoes, as Mutt wrote, and are here for you. It sounds like you and the siblings are at wit's end. Do they know what BPD is? Have you had a chance to put together a plan? I grew up with a uBPD brother and it can be hard to raise your head above the water high enough to see land -- it can feel like surviving. Do you feel worn down at the moment? Does reading the material feel like something you can do? I felt very despondent until I discovered the validation skills discussed here -- they had an immediate impact one day with my son, and that gave me a tiny but critically important boost.