BPDFamily.com

Hi im new here,really need some advice.

My partner of 7 years has BPD but got diagnosed 2 years ago.we have been through a lot. She loves a drink,the only problem is after 4 pints it creates phycosis and she becomes extremely violent towards me. We have had several occasions with police envoivement and after an incident in january with a knife it shocked her into realising how bad she was. I stook by but said i couldnt be with her like this as drink is to risky. She desided she would stop drinking and got some help.

She was extremely low and became even more so and hated where we lived in sheffield. We always said we would like to live on the coast. My home was sheffield but even i began to hate living there after everything. I just wanted a fresh start for us and sarahs son of 11.

We started to look and i was going for interviews but i never got a job. She began to get worse but stil stayed away from drink for 7 months. I was so proud but knew we needed to get out.she cried and said stop now i dont like you leaving me to go for interviews, were going to be stuck in this ___ hole forever. I kissed her head and said i promise you just this last one,we will get there.

That was it,i found somewhere and with in a week we were moving. Everything seemed great. We moved to the east coast and by the sea.everything she ever wanted and asked 4,i gave her everything. It took a while to get used to as we felt we were on holiday.

Then a few weeks later,she started to struggle. First it was drink.she started mising friends and wanted to drink.i couldnt stop her. First it was shandy,then pints, then 2 have now become whatever she wants and it scares me.

She said we had made a mistake and she wants to move back to sheffield, the place she hated so so much and needed to get away from. She said she hated it here but only because she doesnt know anyone here.

She has now become really depressed and said we need togo back to sheffield. I love it here,so does her sonane hes just settled in year 7 on his 5th week and got loads of mates. I really dont want to go back there.but at the same time i dont want to loose her.

I know if we move back there she still wont be happy,where ever we are she wont be happy. Her drinking is now worse and even if we did move back she would be drinking all the time and im scared because i know what will happen to me.

Ive tried everything to distract her and make it exciting but its not helping.weve only been here 10weeks and she just needs to give it chance but wont.the drink doesnt help and i know her tablets arnt working. It also doesnt help that the care is taking so long.possibly another 8weeks.

Please can someone help me because i feel like im in a loose loose situation and theres only so much i can takeand keep strong with :-( .

Hi Delly,

the combination of BPD with alcohol is truly terrible. The alcohol lowers the respect for boundaries and confuses the emotional regulation. Rage is all too often the result.

For when she is sober - check out the LESSONS. The way you communicate with her matters often a lot more than what you communicate. Small changes make a difference, see the workshops on validation (pointers in the LESSONS). Also check the material on boundaries. You can't control her but you can control yourself - step out, leave or take other measures to protect yourself.

Dealing with alcohol is very tough and you may need support. AA is an organisation that also cares for partners of the addict. Consider reaching out to them for support on that end.

Last but not least *welcome*,

a0