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I've been posting in the detaching forum. But after initiating contact the other night through text , I've been thinking a lot about going back. I texted he to see if she got her key back. When she responded yes, I knew she was open to talking. The only problem was I went right into "us" . It's been over two months post break up. She didn't want to talk about our feelings. She said she didn't want to open something she already closed. Also blamed me for the relationship ending saying I didn't handle things well. Which is the complete opposite . But I guess that's the Borderline in her. Anyway we talked of some other stuff that's going on in her life. She said only time will tell if we can get back together and she could really use my friendship. Also said it would be good if we could text. I'm so confused right now. I keep thinking about it. I still love her and despite her maybe having BPD I want to try again. In the past when I was married and we went through this, most times worse breakups where I thought there was no chance of getting back, we always did.im really lost right now. I feel I've taken a few steps back but also feel hope. Anyone have stories where they thought they would never be recycled and where?

Been so very long since I've posted here.  I can only say, 7 years after ending an awful relationship with a BPD partner, I am happily married to someone else, and all that pain is a distant memory.  Since you're posting in the undecided forum, I feel it's all right to say that no, I don't think picking things back up is the way to go.  At least, it certainly wasn't for me.  You don't need all that pain and craziness in your life.  I thought I loved my BPD partner too.  I really did.  Looking back on it now, it all seems like an awful dream I am so glad to have woken from.

Pad foot thanks for the insight. Your story gives me hope .

 what have changed in you or your X that make you think the r.s will be different than the one of the past.

I think learning about BPD might have me better equipped to know what to expect. I'm not saying its gonna happen . But I still love her and would be willing to try.

Hi Bigmd,

I am in a similar situation with my pwBPD. I completely understand how confusing it is.  

Talking about feelings after a long period of not speaking tends to not end well. It can be emotional overload for a pwBPD. The best bet would be letting the past go, meaning not bringing up things to her and start slowly. Are you able to let things go and start a new?

After a three month period of not speaking, my pwBPD  recently reached out to me. Needless to say I was completely shocked when I saw his number as a missed call. The last thing he told me was that he wishes me the best in life and goodbye. Honestly, I never thought I would hear from him again. Since I missed his call, he texted me and said something about giving him a call back. I decided to call him back. He has apologized for his behavior and asked me whether I would give him another chance. My story is kind of convoluted and I do not want to hijack your thread, but I ended up deciding to give him one more chance.  

What specifically is making you feel confused?

Juju thanks for reply and post all you want. Im just confused on what I should do next. I definitely shouldn't have brought up the past. I would be open to starting fresh and taking it slow. Not sure how to get that point across.

I would start by being friends with her and keep the conversations light, especially if she wants to take it slow. Build from there and take the time to look at the lessons on the Staying board. I would give it sometime and see where you both are. If she brings up reuniting, then I would discuss it if that is what you want.

I am in the opposite situation him going from 0-90 and conversations about our relationship.

Learning about BPD and radically accepting really helps. I am not quite at radical acceptance, due to my own stuff, but I have learned to depersonalize some behaviors.

Thank you for coming back and sharing your experience. So many leave this board for good once they've moved on and that doesn't provide others with true hope and examples of successful outcomes. I think a lot of us need that inspiration to follow through with doing what's best for us.

Juju thanks that's my plan . I texted her last week. So was thinking of maybe texting something this week coming up. It's so weird because when I was married and she broke it off we would always get back together , now it seems like an impossibility sometimes. It's almost like she saw what it's like to date me and it's not what she thought. Lately though I have been forgetting about her BPD traits . Even though I made mistake of bringing up past , I feel a little hopeful she said we could text . Is this crazy? I am willing to start from square one.

Once confused, so far I've only made contact once. Idk where she is at as far as changing.

I doubt she changed at all. She was still blaming me for the relationship ending and said we had a lot of problems. Which is not true at all.

It is not a mistake to bring up the past once. If it is a constant thing, it most likely will push her away. I think that is true for non-disordered people as well.

I do not think it is crazy. You have to start with something. Change tends to take time.

Well I've been thinking  I may text her later. Her assistants mother was killed the other day and when we talked she told me how terrible it was and she's been consoling her all weelk. I'm just gonna ask how she is doing with all that. Something simple like that. I jus read another article about BPD and it amazes me how many traits she has. One such being the inability to accept compliments. She always has trouble with that. So sad too because to me she is the most beautiful and sexy woman I've ever seen. But she wouldn't let me say it :'(