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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: Creativum on October 13, 2015, 11:36:30 AM



Title: BPD+ADHD = Faster Discard?
Post by: Creativum on October 13, 2015, 11:36:30 AM
Does a combination of untreated ADHD + untreated BPD lead to a faster discard?  Anyone have experience with this combination?

Yesterday, I posted a way-too-long post about my ex (my apologies!), asking if it looked like BPD.  And, after conferring with the person whom he left for me (after only a few months), I found out that he DID have diagnosed BPD.  The reason he didn't tell me?  I had explained to him where my scars came from (a stabbing perpetrated by a BPD partner).  So he kept that a secret.  Anyway, he ended it a few weeks ago with me, after several months and plans to cohabitate, out of the blue.  I was devastated, though now I'm rather relieved I got away.  Still recovering, though.

But he also has untreated ADHD.  Does the combination with BPD lead to a faster discard?  He really did go from telling me he adored me to telling me he's not in love with me, overnight, and after only a few months.

And, tangentially:  He asked me the night of our breakup, as he was crying crocodile tears (fearing I'd abandon him, since I was hurt and angry at him), whether I'd be open to having others in our bed. He said he had met someone at work (who's neither gay nor available) and wanted to ask him. I thought it was strange. Probably push-pull crap. Then, yesterday, I told him if there's something he's not telling me, I'd rather hear it from him before I hear it through the grapevine. Basically, "Are you seeing anyone else, and is that why you left?" But he wouldn't give a straight answer. It was like "Why do you want to know that?" whereas before he had just given a straight "No." He kept beating around the bush with it, almost as if he was enjoying watching me struggle, and then said he started "talking to" someone a week ago.  Well that really hurt, but then I thought ... .he's just trying to gauge how much I've moved on, because he had been texting me every single day with smiley faces and pleasant smalltalk/chat.  So I'm confused.  Is he lying about the new person (or likely to be)? I always thought once a pwBPD had found their next obsession they cut all contact with the previous partner.


Title: Re: BPD+ADHD = Faster Discard?
Post by: Mutt on October 13, 2015, 01:31:36 PM
I don't know. BPD is a spectrum disorder, different characteristics, traits, severity along a continuum and every sufferer of BPD is a different person.

Often there's there's clinical depression, anxiety, substance and alcohol abuse; often there's comorbidity with different personality disorders and some found in Axis 1.

You may not be aware, but also we have a Questions boards about other impulse disorders and I hope this article helps.

DIFFERENCES|COMORBIDITY: Borderline PD and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=147635.0)



Title: Re: BPD+ADHD = Faster Discard?
Post by: sirensong65 on October 13, 2015, 04:17:32 PM
Mine was ADD, Bi Polar (not medicated) and BPD (undiagnosed).  And he had to have SOMEBODY to flirt or mess around with constantly. Turned out he was on multiple dating sites when we were engaged to be married.  As a matter of fact, he made three statements that have stayed with me to this day and made it CLEAR to me it was best to never look back.

I don't know who I am.

I can't be myself when I am with you.

I need the attention of LOTS of women, it makes me feel alive. Even if they just send me winks.

Sad life... .