BPDFamily.com

Glad to have found this resource. I am a 45 year old man who's married to a 43 year old woman with BPD traits.  We have 2 incredible little boys who are 4 and 2 years old. We have been married for 4 years. I have been married once before and this is my wife's first marriage. I only recently figured out what is going on. Both of my wife's parents suffer with depression and my wife has been on ssri's for at least 15 years and I knew all this coming into the the marriage. I had no idea whatsoever that I was actually dealing with BPD. I love my wife and have done my best to intellectualize her illness. It took 4 years of confusion and attempting to understand what was going on within the context of depression which just didn't explain things. In the 4 years we've been married I figure I have gone through at least 100 "episodes" of  c"crazy" with my wife. When I came into this marriage I was physically and mentally happy and healthy. Today I am overwhelmed, frustrated and deeply saddened by the prospect of raising my children with this type of dynamic going on around them . I also fear for my own mental health. I feel like Charlie Brown w/Lucy always pulling the football away before  I can kick it. The pattern is always the same things appear normal for a couple of weeks then then crazy comes to town. I feel hopeless that anything will change. I simply cannot imagine leaving my kids. The idea makes me physically ill. They are so innocent and this disorder is so unbelievably difficult to live with without losing your mind. I know everyone must say the same thing. Let me be clear. We have good stretches of a couple weeks then some trivial challenge or stressor sets off a bomb of unbelievable ugliness and distortions in my wife's head. We have never been able to gain any traction because of this. It like we are always starting over from scratch which hinders intamacy and only makes thing so much worse. 1 step forward and 2 steps back over and over and over. Preaching to the choir, I know.

My Ex was Dx'd with depression, but adamantly refused to go on meds even when her T suggested it. I get the feeling that the T kept suggesting it. The 2-3 week cycles are what I remember. Anxiety and sometimes depression started rearing themselves in me after a few years. Little kids make it tougher.

That being said, drewstory, I'm glad that you're here.

*welcome*

We have lots of members who can both relate to your story, and also offer you support.

A good place to start would be taking a look at the lessons to the right of the board (the communication tools are in Lesson 3). We also have resources which can help you help your kids, but we can get to that later.

Can you describe a typical dysregulation? How she acts, how you react.

Turkish

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and you're in good company. We understand. Please take a look at the lessons on the right side of the page. Things can get better. I know it's hard to believe when you're so overwhelmed, but through adjusting some of your patterns,  you can make a significant difference in your wife's behavior.

I was completely stressed out and hopeless when I found this site and through learning what set my husband off, I've been able to adapt and our relationship is much more harmonious than I would ever have believed.

  Please keep posting and tell us more of your story.