BPDFamily.com

Hi i'm dating a woman who has BPD when she first told me i didn't think anything of it. Now 3 months on i'm realizing it has an effect on the relationship, we are in long distance at the moment. But the main reason i posted this was because the only issue i'm having is when she goes child like and turns into a 3 year old, i have a younger sister so its not like i'm not used to dealing with little people, i just don't know how to deal with it when she is because it makes me feel almost dirty and i can't get the support from her if im stressed.

any advice would help

Hi  gg-lithium ,

and welcome to the board. It is good that your gf is diagnosed. Is she also in therapy?

There is not so much you can do when she is in tantrum mode. Best is to step out and let her calm down by herself. Trying to interfere and control the situation usually backfires. Read up on boundaries - limits for yourself.

Likely you have just scratched the surface on what a partner with BPD means after 3 months. The challenge with BPD is that it affects how we act in the relationship and without a clear plan it tends to get worse. Please read up in the LESSONS, consistently behaving in the right way now can spare you a lot of grief later.

*welcome*,

a0

She doesn't trantrum so much or have the rages that go along with BPD, she just acts and speaks like a three year old and im worried about her being on her own, I sort of panic and think about what if she tries to cross the road and she's 3 and gets hit, its stuff like that.

She's called me mum before as well which makes me very uncomfortable, i've told her that, that crosses a boundary so i'm hoping it doesn't happen again and sometimes she still wants to be intimate, i've never agreed to so we haven't. It would just make me feel like ive taken advantage or that i've done something very bad

She doesn't want to go to therapy although i'm trying to convince her to try it again, she says she wants anti-psychotics

Hi gg-lithium,

3 year old is a bit extreme but it sounds like https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regression_%28psychology%29. It certainly can be scary to someone observing it  .


The problem of course is that if it is BPD then medication won't help much. On the other hand this could be a handle to get her to a place where she is properly diagnosed.

She's been diagnosed for years. We tried a new strategy today, we spent last time texting each other and focusing on our studies, we was hoping it would stop her from seeing me as a caregiver, at the moment she has stayed her age all day and hasn't gone to her 3 state like she has done the rest of the week, we're trying to work out if the method worked or if it simply meant she just had a good day.

Hi gg-lithium,


You can't stop her seeing you as whatever. You can only refuse that role. Prepare for an extinction burst when that outlet is closed.


What you need are proper boundaries - distance/separation is a short term substitute.

We set up the boundary when we first noticed it happened now i reinforce the boundary when she regresses

Thank you for the help so far by the way me and my girlfriend appreciate it