BPDFamily.com

Go on over to the message board: Staying or Leaving: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline

I am going through it page by page. Thought perhaps they had secret tactics I did not know about.

They don't. Their stories made my spiral curls a little curlier.  Also made me appreciate the peace in my old house.

Peace all  :)

I go there every day to read. I have to. It is the only place that talks me off the ledge so to speak. I know it would have only gotten worse for me and there is so much more that could have happened. So I try and stay grateful for what did happen to me and now try to focus on myself and improving my self esteem.

I spent a lot of time there before moving over to this board.  I knew it was time to move to this one when I was picking and choosing which topics to read about by ignoring the obviously negative ones and trying to find the positive ones and it got harder to choose topics to read. 

Hi hollycat,

*welcome*

It's been close to three years post break-up for me and I found a lot of the tools and lessons helpful with co-parenting with my un-diagnosed ex partner that displays traits of the borderline personality type.

I learned communication skills with validation, SET, radical acceptance and found that they have all been practical tools to not make things worse, stop conflict... .Overall, it helped with the quality of life for my family.

I also found the communication skills helped me with my kids, friends, family members and the workplace.

Man, if I hadn't already been through this twelve years ago with my xHwuBPD, I would so be on that board right now. There's no way I'd be just walking away from my recent break-up; those two months were so wonderful, I'd be desperately praying for him to come back, plotting for how I would "fix things" during the recycle... .

I only learned about BPD this summer but it explains every single one of my xH's bizarre and erratic behaviors. With that relationship, it took me two years to realize that no amount of love or passion or intensity could change or fix or make the relationship worth it -- but as soon as I realized that my recent ex had the same PD as my ex-husband, I was able tap into those two years of exhaustion and heartbreak and futility... .As in, yeah, I miss the recent honeymoon phase I was in, but I already know what lies beyond it, and I know I don't ever want to go there again.

On my better days, I think the recent ex did me a favor by bailing rather than sticking around... .but it's still hell. How much harder would it be if I didn't already have those two years of knowledge?

If you want to feel better, believe in yourself.

Fix what you can fix, accept what you can accept.

Move on from troubled situations into better ones.