BPDFamily.com

Just got dumped last Saturday!  I've been down this road before... .I might have broken up with her if she didn't do it first, yet now that I know it's BPD, I may have not made the move I made to trigger the break up.  I think she still feels as though I wanted out... .I wanted agency in the decision making.  I wanted not to feel controlled.  We could have figured things out if I knew she was BPD from the beginning... .I am probably just going through withdrawal.  She saw me getting strong after a challenging September. ... .and then... .goodbye

You will never know what you did that triggered it.  You may have strong suspicions, but believe me, you'll never know.  Even if they do give you reasons, the fact of the matter is that most pwBPD's are, unfortunately, compulsive liars.  They lie to avoid shame, the lie to avoid abandonment, the lie to control.  In most cases, it's just the pwBPD's fear of abandonment, and the break up would've happened sooner or later even if you had been sent to this person by God himself.  And no, you couldn't have figured things out.  I tried to figure things out once, got stuck, and eventually he tried to kill me.  Then I tried to figure things out with another person, and I had to go to the ER for ativan and a meeting with a domestic crisis counselor -- the reaction I had was like that of a battered spouse and they wanted to find out if I should press charges.  And, indeed, I was a battered spouse, emotionally, even though the abuse was subtle.  It was insidious and severe, though, and I never saw it until things ended.  Any other time I've had a break up, it's been sad -- sometimes very sad -- but I didn't feel crazy afterward.  I didn't question what I had done or nor not done.  I may have questioned what I could have done, and the person was always receptive to talking things through to create closure.  Don't count on this happening with your ex.  The shame of BPD simply won't allow it.

You are most likely going through the withdrawal.  You may also be going through a BPD type of episode yourself brought on by the proximal exposure to that person and having been absorbed into their head for so long.  This is also normal.  I suggest you keep reading, reading, reading and learning about this disorder.  It's therapeutic and it will help you own this experience in different way.  It will get better. 

Remember that you are human.  You will experience neurosis, and if you don't, you're a robot.  ALL of us experience perfectly normal, perfectly healthy neurosis from time to time as a response to stress and other triggers.  You will not ever be able to stop neurosis from occurring in your life because it's a NORMAL thing.  Unfortunately, your ex will interpret your normal neurosis as an abandonment risk and will either use it against you to hold onto you or react to it by ending the relationship.  If you think you can escape your own neurosis later on down the line, well, it's just not possible.  Just like it's just not possible for your ex to stop experiencing psychosis.  "Walking on eggshells" is how we describe BPD, because it's such a futile attempt.  It simply can't be done without shattering the shells.  Your humanity dictates that you will get your feelings hurt sometimes by others, you will become angry sometimes at others, and you will experience a full and healthy range of human emotions.  Your ex, though, because they have no self of their own, and no emotional skin, will interpret your experiences of these emotions as their own, magnified times a million.  You can not win.

It will get better, I promise.  You're addicted to a drug right now and coming off of it will cause a lot of pain and frustration.  Many say of these relationships that when they're "good" they're REALLY "good"... .When have you ever heard that said about drugs unless the person has substance abuse issues?  Exactly.  Something that is "good" for you that comes to an end might leave you sad and longing for it, yes, and it will make you tearfully nostalgic when you look back -- that's normal neurosis... .But it will NOT cause you to experience withdrawal symptoms.