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Example of good interview: click here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67I6g1I7Zao)

Example of bad interview: click here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VlvanBFkvI)


Hey guys, I am finding myself frustrated at times when giving others advice. (after they ask for it of course)

I came across the concept of "Motivational Interviewing," maybe even from another poster, I cannot recall.

While I realize that this is material more for a counselor-client dynamic, I find this info generally useful and am wondering how to apply some of this to some of my interactions with others.

Curious to hear what others think.

It is kind of humorous to watch the "good" video, then follow with the "bad" one to see how he tanked the second interview.  I can see how some subtleties _{or rather not so subtleties} of my language can be improved because I know I am tempted to be as blunt as he was in the bad interview... .quite often.

Overall principles: click here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3MCJZ7OGRk)

I outlined the above video below.

Change is hard because:

Ambivalence - leads to discomfort and procrastination (may look like resistance when person is stuck in ambivalence)

MI (Motivational Interviewing)

1. Helps to resolve ambivalence

2. Elicits persons own motivation to change

Spirit of MI

1. Partnership (vs expert role)

2. Acceptance (respect persons autonomy, potential, strengths and perspective)

3. Compassion (keep person's best interest in mind)

4. Evocation (The best ideas come from the person)

Core Skills - aka OARS

1. Open questions (vs closed questions)

2. Affirmations (positive statements)

3. *Reflections (understanding what person is thinking and feeling and stating it back to them)

4. Summaries (long reflections of more than one statement)

Four processes

1. Engaging (establishing trust, avoid: assessing, telling, power, labeling)

2. Focusing (maintaining clear direction for agreed agenda)

3. Evoking (aka "change talk" from the person, ask questions to generate this.)

4. Planning (developing a change plan person agrees to and is willing to implement)

Sunfl0wer, this is really interesting, and looks to me like understandable and do-able instructions and principles for how to support others in changing their behaviour.  Thanks for sharing it. 

Do you notice how awareness of motivation might also apply to the desire you are expressing here to change your communication style?  I'm curious what you might find if you try this process on yourself the way he does in the "good" interview, e.g. "what's good about communicating with people in a blunt manner?"

Do you mean like self talk, for interviewing myself in my head?

Yes.  I'm sorry, it sounds like I may not have explained that well enough.  I noticed that your original post was about a behaviour change that you would like to make (changing your communication style).  You say you feel frustrated in interactions with others in which you give them advice.  You note that they did request the advice, but when you were watching the "how not to do it" sample interview, you noticed that at times, you desire to be as blunt in your communication style as he was.  So it sounds like you are motivated to make this change by a desire to reduce your frustration in this type of interaction, as well as a desire to effectively support and help others.

Given that you were asking about how to make a behaviour change... .and posted links to a method of communication that is said to help people effectively support others' behaviour change... .I thought, oh, I wonder if she will get some insights that help her make this change by asking herself these same questions?

Very interesting, Sunflower. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks guys!

Eeks,

That is an interesting thought. 

Ok, cool, I'll give it a go... .get started... .see what I come up with.

Some Questions I will ponder:

Q: Why do you think MI could be useful?

Q: What areas do you currently see that this is a challenge?

I'll start there... .and come back to answer

Q: Why do you think MI could be useful?

I often encounter situations both socially and through consult roles at work, when I am asked to provide advice.  Eliciting good carry over of my suggestions is good for business at work, and may decrease some frustration in my social relationships. There are times that I find others respond in a defensive way to bluntness.  I wonder if a MI approach could be more effective in terms of end result, carry over, and ability for person to be more overall receptive.  It may make make me feel more rewarded and effective with my efforts.

Q: What areas do you currently see that this is a challenge?

I feel challenged when it is clear that a person is deflecting, defensive, and unable to hear my message.  These are the times I am frustrated and become very blunt.  My bluntness is because I wonder if I was originally too vague, and am giving the conversation another very clear effort in progressing.

New Q:  How do you define productive?

New Q:  Are there other reasons a person may be conversationally avoidant other than lack of clarity on your part.

NewQ:  It sounds like you are saying that balancing bluntness vs clarity vs offending someone is a hard thing to balance.  That is understandable when you are frequently in such situations daily with blurred boundaries.  On one hand, it is your job to give clear direction.  On the other hand, you are encountering obstacles to this that you wonder if you can change your communication approach, am I understanding this well?

(i will come back and answer myself!  LOL! Thanks eeks... .kinda fun and also helpful!  *))