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Title: Good Few Days - turning a corner Post by: CharWood on October 20, 2015, 11:12:51 AM Turning a corner WITHOUT my BPD ex, just to clarify.
We are in discard phase and her behavior just gets worse and worse, amped up on intensity, it seems every week. Honestly, it has been the fire I need to begin to burn her clean from me. She used to hurt me... .the devaluing, the denigrating comments, verbal attacks, aggressive outbursts, minimizing our lengthy relationship and speaking of it like it was a meaningless fling, leaving the house to spend the night with strangers', treating me like a stranger then clinging and round and round and round - it used to hurt me... but over the past week... .the hurt has slowly began to subside... that pain in my gut is slowly dissipating. I finally feel her chains around me untightening and... .it feels good! I have been making new friends and am starting to understand the way I DESERVE To be treated. When I say making new friends... .I do not mean in the BPD way like my ex - meeting strangers, mostly off the net, and going and getting wasted drunk with them and being promiscuous... .nope. Just making new friends and talking and getting to know people over coffee or at the driving range and then calling it a night and returning to my own bed. I see, in interacting with other Non BPD people, the difference. I, for once, do not have red flags jumping out and producing that gut feeling in the pit of my stomach. People speak to me with respect... have normal conversations... .are not lovebombing me... .they do not say that they share all my interests and creepily (yes, I realize that now) mirror my behavior and interests... it is real, organic, healthy human interaction. It is nice! It is always nice to be appreciated for treating a woman with respect and given respect in return. my ex and I wont be living in our house much longer... lease will be up and I will be on my way to recover from this sick, toxic woman who shook my life upside down. I feel good about that... .it took a while for it to register, but I understand and accept that the woman I loved never existed. It used to make me so bitter and angry, but what can you do? we nons get conned by people who often do not know they are conning us because they see nothing wrong with treating a person as an object. How or why she stayed so long... .kept lucid and stable periods of behavior for years at a time during the relationship... .those are things I never will understand. But, life is too short to waste trying to figure it out... .especially wasting precious energy on a person who is not worthy of you - because they refuse to help themself. Just a little food for thought. After 3 months, things are improving. I am starting to get my self esteem back... .im going full speed ahead strong. I guess I still have my moments of sadness, confusion, grief, anger... .but they are much more brief than before. It does get better. Title: Re: Good Few Days - turning a corner Post by: scgator on October 20, 2015, 02:30:06 PM Turning a corner WITHOUT my BPD ex, just to clarify. We are in discard phase and her behavior just gets worse and worse, amped up on intensity, it seems every week. Honestly, it has been the fire I need to begin to burn her clean from me. She used to hurt me... .the devaluing, the denigrating comments, verbal attacks, aggressive outbursts, minimizing our lengthy relationship and speaking of it like it was a meaningless fling, leaving the house to spend the night with strangers', treating me like a stranger then clinging and round and round and round - it used to hurt me... but over the past week... .the hurt has slowly began to subside... that pain in my gut is slowly dissipating. I finally feel her chains around me untightening and... .it feels good! I have been making new friends and am starting to understand the way I DESERVE To be treated. When I say making new friends... .I do not mean in the BPD way like my ex - meeting strangers, mostly off the net, and going and getting wasted drunk with them and being promiscuous... .nope. Just making new friends and talking and getting to know people over coffee or at the driving range and then calling it a night and returning to my own bed. I see, in interacting with other Non BPD people, the difference. I, for once, do not have red flags jumping out and producing that gut feeling in the pit of my stomach. People speak to me with respect... have normal conversations... .are not lovebombing me... .they do not say that they share all my interests and creepily (yes, I realize that now) mirror my behavior and interests... it is real, organic, healthy human interaction. It is nice! It is always nice to be appreciated for treating a woman with respect and given respect in return. my ex and I wont be living in our house much longer... lease will be up and I will be on my way to recover from this sick, toxic woman who shook my life upside down. I feel good about that... .it took a while for it to register, but I understand and accept that the woman I loved never existed. It used to make me so bitter and angry, but what can you do? we nons get conned by people who often do not know they are conning us because they see nothing wrong with treating a person as an object. How or why she stayed so long... .kept lucid and stable periods of behavior for years at a time during the relationship... .those are things I never will understand. But, life is too short to waste trying to figure it out... .especially wasting precious energy on a person who is not worthy of you - because they refuse to help themself. Just a little food for thought. After 3 months, things are improving. I am starting to get my self esteem back... .im going full speed ahead strong. I guess I still have my moments of sadness, confusion, grief, anger... .but they are much more brief than before. It does get better. Glad to hear it CharWood. It feels good, doesn't it? Sounds like you're already on your way. I've been doing almost all the same things and for about as long too, except I live on my own. I mentioned in another thread how it feels good to have people treat me with kindness and respect. I'm having a drink with a woman tomorrow night after a meetup movie group. I'm a bit nervous, actually, but looking forward to it nonetheless. Just one more step in the right direction. Title: Re: Good Few Days - turning a corner Post by: Mutt on October 20, 2015, 09:07:43 PM Hi Charwood,
That's good news that you are turning a corner with your healing |iiii I agree with scagator that it feels good to have people treat you with decency and kindness. we nons get conned by people who often do not know they are conning us because they see nothing wrong with treating a person as an object. How or why she stayed so long... . Good for you that yoy tweaked your formula and your not meeting strangers off of the net, I met my ex in a similar way, I didn't take the time to get to know her. I want to share with you that what I also found helpful is boundaries (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries) it has helped with taking care of and protecting me. I didn't have boundaries when I met my uBPDex and I was thinking that it's almost like putting complete trust in somebody else that they won't mistreat you. I also learned to trust people and I make wiser choices with the people that I call friends, I keep good people really close to me and my boundaries keep me protected from bad behaviors from people that may hurt me. |