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Title: How do you manage the emotional impact on yourself and children Post by: MEM2015 on October 20, 2015, 01:12:12 PM My husband was diagnosed with BPD last year and it and his behaviour is taking an emotional toll on me. I love him and I know he loves the kids and I've read plenty about how I 'should' act to help him be better but sometimes his behaviour breaks me and I have an emotional reaction which escalates things. Nothing I've read tells you how to be a regular human being in a relationship with someone with BPD as I can't be perfect all the time and I fear for his relationship with our girls as they grow up. What do they get told? How do I protect them from it? My head might explode with the fear but the idea of walking away is even worse! I'm 35 and we've been together since I was 19 years old, I can't imagine life without him but it is so hard sometimes.
Title: Re: How do you manage the emotional impact on yourself and children Post by: Rapt Reader on October 20, 2015, 08:12:23 PM Hello, MEM2015 & *welcome*
I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your relationship, and with kids in the mix, it really does make it so much harder! My own Husband has BPD traits, and with 2 (now grown) children of my own, I do know how tricky, and sometimes painful, it can be to navigate those waters... . Something that has really helped me "be a regular human being in a relationship with someone with BPD" is the book Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128777.0;all) by Valerie Porr. Reading Codependent No More (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56458.0;all) by Melody Beattie has also been a great help to me in my marital relationship. There are some very good communication tools that can make things better between you and your Husband, and they can be found at the links to the right-hand side of this page. The Lessons will give you a very good understanding of just what you are dealing with, and good tips on how to make things better. And understanding Radical Acceptance for family members (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0) and How do we become more empathetic to the pwBPD in our life? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=210574), and then applying these skills, can make substantial improvements in your relationship. I've found these things to have been integral to my own well-being, and the well-being of my marriage, and I'd like to encourage you to check them out... .We're here for you, MEM2015, and want you to know that there is hope for a better family life |