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After recently leaving my BPD partner of 3 years I have come to realize that the smear campaign has begun. What is most concerning to me is finding out that the smear campaign has been happening for the entirety of our relationship. What my ex has done behind my back is what I have come to understand as "GAS LIGHTING"

I always found it strange that my exBPD would never see his friends when I was available. They would only socialize when I was working or had other commitments. Any time I was free - my exBPD would always be right next to me. I have come to realize this was for 2 reasons.

1) To keep tabs on me (always accused me of cheating)

2) They were b___ing about me to their friends, telling them how awful I was as a person and how unhappy they were in the relationship.

Yet whenever we were together I was told how much they loved me and how they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. Did they do this to paint me in a bad light so they could play the victim? I have lost many friends throughout the duration of our 3 year relationship (typically off and on). However some of my friends were smart enough to see through my exBPD's crap and the closest to me have informed me that they have received messages from my ex telling them how I was abusive and a cheater. My true friends know it's rubbish so I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that.

The most extreme instance was after one of our many fights. We had to cancel an OS holiday half way through due to their behavior. They were drugging me at night so they could sneak off and have sex with others in LA, New York and London. I caught them out in Paris and we flew home immediately. Right before his parents picked us up from the airport he lacerated his face and gave himself a black eye to suggest the trip was cancelled due to me being physically abusive. The scariest part was when his parents saw his wounds - They took one look at me and GENUINELY THANKED ME for getting him home safe. I was speechless as I really thought they would think I caused the wounds. This was the moment I knew how sick he is. Even his parents knew he had done it to himself without even questioning it.

However the smear campaign has continued. I receive messages almost daily from numbers I dont know telling me how awful I treated him, how i cheated and was emotionally and verbally abusive - ALL the things they were. The saddest part is that while I am VERY angry with my exBPD, a part of me feels sympathy towards him as I know how sick he is. Even though I am going through hell right now I know things will get better with time and NC. Unfortunately based on my experience with him - his future doesn't look too good. Sad.

The first thing I would do, which I did do, was change my number and ask everyone to please not give it to my ex. Even our children would not give him my new number. It got rid of a lot of the strange calls and texts I was getting, and it kept No Contact so much easier. 

You might have to drop a few mutual friends to succeed at that plan, but it will save your sanity. The smear campaign can get really outrageous.  I also didn't know that it had been going on long before I finally opened my eyes and realized he was too sick to be in my life.

Your story is so similar to mine our ex's must have been clones. LOL How some BPD's follow the same script is eerie. It is very important to maintain no contact, no matter what. Life does go on and the memories fade.

Yes I have since changed my number. NC has been 2 months and I already feel like my sanity and clarity are returning. I look forward to knowing he will be nothing more than a bad memory. I am currently engaged in therapy in order to able to love myself and regain trust and faith in others. It's nice to know I am not alone in what I have experienced. All the best to you.