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It's been a week since he started giving me the silent treatment.  Then, today, I got a message out of the blue, after exchanging a harsh word or two:  "I hope you're doing well. :-)"  This after him making up being with someone new and sending me over the edge with the news.  Where he lives, there are really no gay men to get to know.  It's a small town and it's no surprise that he hasn't found anyone yet.  :)o you think he's attempting a recycle now since there's a huge supply shortage, he lives relatively remotely, and he doesn't own a car?  I don't think I can handle a recycle and another discard.

Hi Creativum,

I see that your ex is not talking to you and that you had a harsh word or two. What's the back-story on the silent treatement?

He had been texting me every day with pleasantries and polite banter, obviously knowing that I'm not one to enjoy smalltalk with people I care about. I'm incredibly interested in what my friends and loved ones are doing, and whether they're okay. He would text me, we'd be having "conversation," and then he'd stop a few hours but when I asked "What have you been up to?" he wouldn't tell me/avoid the question.  Then, I said, "If you're seeing someone else, you really could just tell me."  Well, he refused to talk about it at first, and then said he had been "talking" to someone for a week.  I was devastated, of course, and wanted answers, but ultimately, I just said "You know what?  Fine.  You left [X] for me just like you're leaving me for this new person.  I really don't give a s*it.  We're not friends, and we never were, if this is how you treat people."  After that, total silence, then picking up as if nothing had happened over a week later.  But coinciding with the silent treatment came a lot of sexual acting out at his job -- he harassed several heterosexual coworkers in really aggressive ways.  So he went crazy because I "rejected" him, I guess?

Without knowing the back-story, yes - saying "I hope you're doing well :-)" is not a message I'd exchange with anyone I'd had an unhealthy or traumatic split with. Might be a way to seem casual, ignore any ruptures or drama that might have transpired. But give us some more info?

Creativum,

I understand how frustrating that is when someone is avoidant or they are not validating the hurt feelings.


I think that a relationship recycle is a two-way transaction, are you done with the relationship?

Here are some numbers for Leavers:


PERSPECTIVES: Relationship recycling [romantic partners] (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95860.0)

If you can't handle another discard, I wouldn't risk another recycle.

You have a choice in this matter!

Sometimes our emotions make us think we don't, but we do. We can overrule them! It is hard but we do have the power.

Creativum, what do you want from him (ideally)?

I know I have recycled too often in my existing relationship and others. I think the need for it comes , not from wanting this particular partner, but wanting a partner.

I try to teach myself that the pain and likely result of recycling is not worth it, but it is difficult to walk the walk. Where do we find the strength?

In my experience almost any communication is an attempt to recycle or to leave options open.

its interesting this board seems more about the Borderline then looking at the characteristics of the  partner and how to avoid these relationships in the future?

The only way to avoid these relationships is to grow a backbone and leave when things get bad and you realize it can't get better. It's a simple choice. Be happy with someone that can give you what you give them or be a punching bag. That's the only thing you can do. Low self esteem fuels this.

So, I think this is a valid observation.

There is definitely a reason that we find ourselves in these relationships in the first place.