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Title: Should I tell to the new girlfriend that... Post by: mimmo on October 23, 2015, 05:04:05 AM Hello guys,
I was in relationship with a BPDgf for 13 years. The first two years were amazing. Aftrer that,things became worse: B/White thinking, projections on me etc etc At the end she leave me for another guy thinking that I a a terrible man etc. Still today she is a co worker. well, during our relatinship we done a lot of things togherer, same fellings. a real soulmate to me. It is almost more of 2 years that the breackup hapened. After that, i relizes that she suffer of BPD. Since that time however, I had to fight with the good memories. well, I remember also the bad ones but despite that I am still strugging with the good ones and, when this hapen, I feel dead. It is 2 moths that I have a relationship with a woman. She is wonderful girl and we have a lot of things in common. The prolem is that i am still suffer of the good memoriers about that sometime came out on the surface of my brain. This thing hapen expecially when I had some nice times with her, after sex and so on. I live a lot of pain for that. My question: shoud I inform my new gf about my problem? Or should keep it like a secret? I know that this is normal when one had a deep relationship with a BPD and the breackup was terrible. If I inform her about my problem maybe I can put her in bad shoes thinking that I still love my ex while it is not completely true. it is not possible to came back to her. the other side is that If do not tell her about my feelings I am not honest with her. Do you relate to similar experiences? Thanks to everybody and to the guys that had the idea to develop a suc wonderful forum I have no idea were my life will be without it Mimmo Title: Re: Should I tell to the new girlfriend that... Post by: seang on October 23, 2015, 05:23:28 AM Hi Mate,
No expert on this or your actual situation. But if you want my opinion, I would keep this to yourself for now. I think talking about this to your new Gf of "ONLY" 2 months might put some un-needed pressure on your relationship. She may not be ready for something so deep between you both, and yep, she could think your still pinning or even worse, have some serious issues of your own. Id deal with it internally, speak to friends, come on here, and try and resolve the issue yourself. Granted, if you and the current gf grow deeper, and that level of trust and empathy is there, in a few months Id open up if you havent moved on somewhat and you still think its causing problems. To be honest, your new gf may pick up on stuff anyway, and that may even force the issue. Take care. Title: Re: Should I tell to the new girlfriend that... Post by: AsGoodAsItGets on October 23, 2015, 06:21:02 AM I have told my new partner. I was physically abused. I still have bite marks on my arm. So talking about it worked for me. I would ask my new partner about her experience forst. Then share mine. Kinda let her talk for an hour. Then i shared some of my story.
Title: Re: Should I tell to the new girlfriend that... Post by: mimmo on October 23, 2015, 09:12:55 AM Thanks for the suggestions guys
these good memories give me a lot of pain. I considered the ex gf the best I ever foud in my life. The honeymoon period, that was of 1-2 years, was incredible, like we were not actually two different person but just one... . when I have these good memories i feel that I will not see or live again these good things with a woman for the rest of my life. So i became anxious and in deep pain. So I wonder: maybe I do not love my new gf as she deserve? are I honest with her? With the new GF things are actually smooth, no figths, no stormy relationship. everything is quiet and nice with her. Maybe it is necessary more time to heal with these memories. Two years are not enougth, probably. well, I will follow your suggestion: I will handle this feellings myshelf only avoiding to tell her things. Mimmo Title: Re: Should I tell to the new girlfriend that... Post by: Lucky Jim on October 23, 2015, 01:21:01 PM Hey mimmo, I think it's OK to let her know, in general terms, that you were hurt in the last r/s. Most people have experienced the same thing at some point, so it's no big deal in my view. Most of the time, I find that when I'm "real" with my SO about my feelings I get an honest response, which actually fosters better communication. Not saying you need to get into gory details, which I would avoid if I were you. I suspect she already senses something, as seang suggests, so it won't come as a total surprise.
LuckyJim |