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Title: Should I create this boundary? urgent answer needed Post by: mother in law on October 23, 2015, 06:37:18 AM Need urgent answer to this. Exdil (who won't talk to us, has smeared us -lots, creates havoc and changes rules and tactics to suit the mood of the day), has asked us via son (her ex) if we will pick gd up after school in a few days as she has to go to hospital. We are OK to pick her up but have stated we will bring her home to our place and take her back to school the next day. Exdil says no she wants her back that night. As this involves a drive of over 1 hour each time and we have guests it is not convenient to do 2 hours of driving away from our guests.
My view is to keep the boundary of this is the only way we can do it, my husband is wavering but I am honestly sick of her havoc and rules changing to suit her with no thought of others. I also feel if we don't do it now ie create a boundary the havoc will keep on. Am I right or am I being difficult (there is a history in my previous posts)? Title: Re: Should I create this boundary? urgent answer needed Post by: HappyChappy on October 23, 2015, 11:34:34 AM Hard to answer this without full context. I do appreciate that when some is continually playing games, we need to consider things like this. However on the face of it, many parents ask the grandparents to help out, and many parents can appear disorganised by it all. If you Exdil is a single parent, then that is tough to juggle. Also you’ll never train a BPD to stop being selfish (unless you’re a trained professional). So why not do what’s best for your granddaughter? If you don’t do this, what would happen? If it makes no difference to your gd, then is there an issue to saying no? But if you want to keep in contact, maybe yes ? Only you know the full context and hence the answer. |iiii
Title: Re: Should I create this boundary? urgent answer needed Post by: mother in law on October 23, 2015, 03:25:16 PM Hi happychappy am only to happy to help out. We love gd and do alot for her. However it doesn't really suit to do 2 one hour trips within about 5 hours as we have guests. After all the abusive texts etc that we have put up up with I am sick of her saying jump and everyone saying how high.
Title: Re: Should I create this boundary? urgent answer needed Post by: Beacher on October 23, 2015, 04:36:30 PM I would set boundaries and say we would love to help but she is staying with us. And in the future, call us yourself if you ever need anything. This playing telephone with a middle man is annoying and she may behave better talking one on one. Maybe it's easier to manipulate him than you and that's why she does it?
Title: Re: Should I create this boundary? urgent answer needed Post by: Growing a pair on October 23, 2015, 07:18:15 PM Dear Mother-in-Law, I think you already know the answer in your heart: create a healthy boundary. This is such hard work ( for me) but I feel committed to living life without the crazy ups and downs I have always had to adjust to ( with my sister!) I can behave differently... .that's all I have control over.
I agree with the other poster who suggested that your exdil contact you directly in the future. Good luck! Title: Re: Should I create this boundary? urgent answer needed Post by: GaGrl on October 23, 2015, 08:06:41 PM "We can help by keeping GD on X evening, understanding that we would need to have her stay overnight due to out-of-town guests to which we already have commitments. If this doesn't work for you, let us know if there is something else we could do to help with your current needs."
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