BPDFamily.com

My husband quit drinking over a year ago. I thought that was it. Well this raging started and trying to control what I said to people, never knowing what I was doing or my son to set off this anger,  constant being busy, buying stuff but now-  blaming everything on me.

I remembered his psych saying something about volcanic eruptions and BPD. Bought several books but was afraid to let him see me reading them. After this last rage, he went out of town, I read them. I am so depressed. It is my life. I feel so hopeless. He is so mean. I askec him to go back to psych and that did not go well

Now he is telling everyone I need inpatient treatment.   I want out.  I have a 16 year old that is not his kid and he is pulling him in

Your husband is an adult, just as you are.  He can go to therapy, or not.  There's little you can do to force him to go.  However all is not lost.  Here you will find invaluable peer support, a variety of suggestions, strategies and skill sets that may very well improve your relationship to a greater or lesser extent.  You'll have to agree that educating yourself about these ongoing issues and improving a variety of skills can only help.

As I wrote above, you too are an adult, you too can make choices to improve your life.  Exactly what will those will be remain to be seen, they're up to you.  Surely as you learn more, get peer support and see ways to improve your boundaries, life won't feel as distressing as it does now.

Him telling everyone you need inpatient treatment is typical blame-shifting, trying to take the focus off himself and framing you as his scapegoat.  It's also called projecting.  Not fair, not right, and hopefully those people who really know you won't be conned or fazed by his badmouthing and distortions.  I recall when my now-ex and I separated that she started making all sorts of horrible allegations and I see now she was trying to make me look worse than her.  It worked to a limited extent at first but long term she lost credibility with those who counted in my life.

Also, unless he has adopted your son, he has no legal rights as parent to your son. Legally.  Doesn't mean he can't influence him negatively.


Well, you posted on the Staying board.  We have other boards too and you're welcome to post on whichever ones are best for your questions and goals.  Here on Staying there are many communication and coping skills described and taught.  Take advantage of them.  Doesn't mean you have to Stay permanently.  If you wish you can view it as "Staying For Now". We also have "Leaving" as well as "Family Law", among others.