BPDFamily.com

I've suspected BPD in my youngest child for a long time but hoped it was something else.  We still don't have a diagnosis but after meeting with a Behavior Pediatrician several times, she is recommending Personality evaluations along with others.  I'm really just looking for information and hope. 

Hello andmed,

*welcome*

You are in the company of caring people here, who can relate to your struggles 

You can start by finding some info to the right of this board.

The suggestion by the pediatrician sound promising. How old s your child now, and what do you find are your biggest struggles? Emotional outbursts? Cutting, or other self-harming behaviors?

Turkish

My child is 11. 

She has been very angry towards everyone, picks up on the emotions of others, seriously overreacts, loves and hates us, has daily crying/yelling/tantruming behaviors, inability to regulate, impulsive reactions, & struggles with peers and everyone around her.

At the same time she is deep, caring, creative, loving, funny, and insightful. 

These emotions can switch with no warning.

How long has she acted like this? Has it gotten worse with the probable onset of puberty?

How do you react when she's dysregulating?

She never really came out of terrible twos.  Problems in school since kindergarten. 

We have tried almost every kind of discipline, reward, punishment strategy.  None are of any consequence to her.  She is usually just as happy or unhappy with whatever consequence/reward we offer. 

I have felt for a very long time that she doesn't have the ability to control the reactions.  They happen too fast.  She gets tunnel vision. 

She hates that she is like this and has often felt evil.  She however idolizes the Disney Queens (who have power but hurt people to attempt to get what they want) and the bratty girls (the ones who everyone hates) in television teen episodes. 

She is having more OCD type behaviors since puberty.  She is also more demanding and needy in the last couple months. 

No self-harm yet.  I am hoping that this early intervention will help us prevent that. 

Hi andmed,

So glad you are here and I want to join Turkish in welcoming you.

I can relate to the confusion and struggles that you are enduring with your d11.  We began to seek out treatment and understanding of our daughter's struggles at that same age.  She was first dx with ODD at 11 and when the parenting skills for an ODD child had negative affect we were referred to another counselor who suspected she had emerging BPD.  Inpatient psych testing confirmed the dx of emerging BPD as well as MDD (major depression).

Learning the tools like validation, SET, and setting boundaries helped me take care of myself so that I could make informed, balanced decisions for my daughter's care and keep my sanity. This site was a great source of information and support for me through this process and I encourage you to actively seek support and feedback here too. 

I look forward to learning more about you and your daughter and how I can help.

lbj

I'm fairly new to this board also.  My d17 has had tantrums since she was a baby.  She is adopted and had her first tantrum about a week after bringing her home.  I feel she is still having the same tantrums, but they look a little different. 

When my daughter hit puberty she became dark, thoughts of suicide and cutting started.  She also overnight became obsessed with boys, started obsessively texting and facebooking boys she didn't know.  We had to change schools, take away electronics.  In high school she met 18+ on facebook and snuck out of the house with him.  Then she ended up in trouble at school again and another change in school.  She was failing school, stealing, lying about weird stuff to friends pretending she was using drugs, having sex.  She became very verbally abusive towards me and would run away and then blame us for not stopping her.  All her relationships were love/hate. Tons of drama and attention seeking.  We finally kicked her out of the house and called www.strugglingteens.com/ and had her placed in an RTC. 

Her behavior on a whole has escalated since puberty, and difficult before then.  I wish we knew what we do now when she was younger and had her placed in a RTC back then, although I'm not sure we would have had the resources.  We tried intensive DBT, hospitalization, medication. 

I think the intensive DBT could be helpful for her.  It might interrupt patterns before she escalates further.  Validation is something we are just starting to understand and would have been helpful way back.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.