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Title: On a Crazy Train down the Highway to Hell Post by: smiley66 on October 24, 2015, 01:30:30 PM Hi. I have been with my partner now off and on for four years. It has been good, but mostly bad. Today after dropping him at his friends house, and being made to feel like crap because I needed to come home to help my kids with something, I wanted so badly to just drive my vehicle off the road into a rock cut. Just to end it. Be done.
This man was my dream. My Prince Charming. My knight in shining armor. My partner, soulmate, best friend. Then we moved in together with my children and the fairy tale became a nightmare. I no longer do anything right, or to his satisfaction. I have been critisized for everything from the way I wake up, how I think, what I feel, how I act, my employment choices, my parenting skills, my ability to love, commit, understand, empathize. everything. I just don't even want to wake up and face anymore. Title: Re: On a Crazy Train down the Highway to Hell Post by: walbsy7 on October 24, 2015, 02:20:22 PM I read that and thought I wrote it. I understand every feeling you are going through with my uBPDw. What keeps me going is my 1 year old son laughing at me when I make a funny face. It is such a struggle, but what has started to help me is reading and learning about the illness, so I can understand it. I had a father who passed from alcholism, and I know he didn't want to be the way he was but his addiction killed him. He would lie and hurt all the time, but after learning about it I realized it was his addiction doing those things. He was sick and I learned to not personalize his activities and comments and actions, as hard as they hurt. It may help you if you recognize that despite what he does or says, and as painful and incorrect as they are, don't personalize it and learn for yourself how to interpret and understand their feelings. Also establish boundaries and set limits to protect yourself
Title: Re: On a Crazy Train down the Highway to Hell Post by: waverider on October 24, 2015, 06:42:36 PM *welcome* smiley66
It is very hard when your dream turns out like this. Do you have time for yourself. Ending it in this way your impulse was nudging you towards instant gratification in quickly solving a perceived problem. The real problem is space and respite. You are overwhelmed to the point to can't think through to a resolution. What you have is a huge and apparently unfathomable knot in your life. You need help to restore balance so that you can concentrate on how to logically unpick it one loop at a time... Frustration is driving you to have thoughts of just sniping the string and being done with it. Keep reading and posting, the people here have lived your side of the fence, they get your feelings and emotions. There are no guarantees that any RS can be saved, but we can help you untangle things to make your options for a positive life more achievable Waverider |