BPDFamily.com

Sometimes I wonder why or when my husband is going to realize the new gf isn't such a better deal and want to come back! Sometimes I think maybe she is better for him because she puts up with his drinking and I won't. I think she is easily manipulated... .Maybe he likes being broke... .he was homeless at one time in his life. But then why bother making an effort to work? He destroyed any chance of my taking him back and I feel I am getting stronger each day. I think I am in the depression stage though because I cry allot now. It's not that  I want him back... .I think it's just because I feel bad the it all went so sour. Maybe my ego is bruised here too... .I really thought he loved me and it's hard to come to terms with the fact that I was used really. Maybe if he tried to come back I wouldn't feel so worthless, yet it would be only to use me some more... .I am just venting some feeling here... .I go back and forth. Maybe she just accepts what ever he does because he told her I was so controlling and she felt controlled in her marriage. I just don't see how anyone could live with a severe alcoholic that is mean, let alone the BPD. Not sure how long he will control his behaviors around her either. I wish I could quit thinking about what he is doing! Some of you have seen your exes go through several relationships quickly. Sometimes I think I would feel better if he was doing that. That he isn't capable of maintaining a r/s. But I also remember, I put up with him for 8 years. I ignored all of the bad stuff thinking I could "help" him... .I feel so dumb : (  It's getting close to the year being up to get a divorce. I think the holidays will be a bit hard, but I know they will be better for me, since he tends to act out then. My friend said because he has a pending felony, maybe his lawyer put the fear of God in him to not doing anything reckless. Maybe that's why he has not done anything. I just keep expecting to get that call that he is in the hospital, suicidal or something... .I am baffled.

Hi Herodias,

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I can see how hard that would be coping with a partner with BPD and alcohol usage for 8 years.

A pwBPD have a dependency on others and engage in helplessness. Its not uncommon for a pwBPD to have a co-occurring addiction to alcohol and drugs and BPD, the addiction has to be addressed first and then CBT or DBT treatment for BPD.


Don't be hard on yourself  You have good boundaries with his alcohol usage, I can see how devastating drinking and BPD would be in a relationship, did you reach your limit?

It sounds to me like it's not an issue with the new partner being a better choice for him when it comes to alcohol usage, it sounds like she has soft boundaries, he needs to address the alcohol usage and then get intensive therapy for BPD, enabling will not make things better.

Gosh,  i can relate, my partner is on a much better place, after helping go thtrough asdirion recovert, cleaning up all her legal stuff. Keeping her out of jail and honeatly saving her life, she actually loves herself, enough to just barely manage her BPD.  Good for her.  Ahe actually deserves a life thats managable.  I am broke and job less.  .   I met an incredible parter, who has kept me off a suicide path.  Yet i still find everything so unfair and hurt so much.  My partner is very lovely, yet part of me cant help image if she has a mental disorder from the care and idealization.  Every day is a tearful one.  It is hard.  Honestly I just realize we all die eventually.  This helps me enjoy the moment, and I cry less.  I'm lucky the ex has nothing to do with me.  So in time I will at least move on.  I don't know if we ever heal.  More like our pain defines are life.  Please keep posting and know we are here.

Alcoholic, homeless, abusive and a felon. What exactly do you miss?

Blue I don't know you but I've followed your posts. You deserve so much better than this loser.

Mutt;... .yes I reached my limit... .it was over the top! You have made me realise that yes, I was just enabling him for a long time. I kept taking him back when he would try and stop... .but never did, just cut back. Now she is enabling him. You are right, no good can come of it. My friend said younger people (she is 26) tend to think drinking is ok. I just wonder when it will kick in that it's every night and it's allot! He gets mean too. Not my problem anymore, I know.

Beach Babe;  you are funny, lol there were the few good things too... .I just need to stay focused on the bad.

Asgoodasitgets; Yes, been there done it all! He's not doing any better though... I actually have more money now that I am away from him.

Herodias,

I don't know how you feel. I found it tough that when I was grieving the loss of the r/s and had thoughts of if she'll come back or are they having fun? Is he really better than me?

You're getting stronger, slowly but surely, this stuff with the alcohol is going to end up being bad news, you're healing, you're going to rise on top of this. Hang in there.