BPDFamily.com

Well, thier is nothing wrong with you per say, you could have a mental disorder like me and my girlfriend.  It's possible you could have codependency.   It curable,  but most like myself just manage it.  Me and my girlfriend have it.  That's why we work so well togeather.  I know healing and counseling are probably the best options, yet i have realized this is who  I am used to being and comfortable with.   I realized in college some drugs felt really good, yet that didn't mean they were good for me.  My ex felt better then my current relationship, but the new relationship is functional, predictable, and caring.  Plus we both come from the same place.  It's very loving on paper and a few times a month we do feel in love a few brief times.  We have a family and are children will be raise so they can express all thier emotions.   Yes we do lack boundaries, yet it works.  I'd recommend therapy.  See how much you want to grow, and find a balance that works for you.

In the process of letting go and moving on we have ups and downs, forwards and backwards movements.  Like healing, letting go and moving on are usually not linear.  Sometimes we need to go backwards in order to see a clearer path forward.

Hi everyone. Well, here I am again. After all my fine thoughts and words. Totally suckered again. Well at least I still have my new job and am still moving hundreds of miles to a new home but hey, more pain more heartbreak, I feel so devastated and hurt but why? I knew it was the wrong thing to do but I fell for it again.

A few weeks ago my ex realised that I was actually leaving, moving on. I cant say I was painted white and certainly not as many as 50 shades of grey, more a whiter shade of pale really. He actually got me believing that he loved me, that what he felt for me was unlike anything he had felt before blah blah blah. To the extent that I nearly actually bought a house in our home town, and was making plans for a horrific amount of weekly travelling just to be with him at weekends. We booked a holiday at the beginning of December at our favourite place. Wham, suddenly blacker than black again. Constantly shouting at me (he says he doesn't) oh, unless I deserve it! Excuse me? Deserve it! He hasn't hugged or even touched me since the night/morning of my nearly white moment. Said he was keeping me in his life for selfish reasons as we have no future. Occasionally when we sat together during conversation I would pat his arm or rub his back like I always used to and during one argument he told me he didn't like me touching him, that it made him feel hemmed in, gave him the creeps. Could someone explain that to me? To hear it was like being stabbed. This weekend was one of the worst ever and I was trapped at his dads house 250 miles from home, verbally abused until I vomited and shaken by it more than I have ever been before. His dad is dying of cancer, I couldn't walk out without upsetting him badly. I had to pretend everything was ok when we were all in the room together but if we went out for a cigarette he would round on me again, nasty spiteful digs and then if I cried he would tell me to stop being pathetic and saying he wouldn't have his dad upset. I love his mum and she loves me too. She is in a nursing home with Parkinson's and I promised her I would call in this morning before we left for home and do her nails. Late last night he told me I couldn't go, not even to say goodbye. I said it would hurt his mum more if I didn't go but he told me "don't f*cking well lay that on me. The nastiest thing was when I said goodbye to her yesterday. Even though I thought I was seeing her again this morning I knew that this would be the last time I ever saw her. I held it together with all my strength. She is such a tiny little thing in her chair so I knelt down and stroked her hands, said I would do her nails in the morning and kissed her goodbye. She said thank you for being a lovely person and it broke my heart to walk out of the door. When he came down and we got in his car he was furious. Said what was all that drama about, kneeling in front of her and stuff. I said I couldn't loom over her and I wanted to hold her hands and look into here face so that she knew I meant it. All I got was "it's my mother, why make such a fuss, you were way out of line and order! For gods sake, I couldn't do right from wrong. At least I had my own car an was able to get away early this morning but he arrived back a few hours ago, if you remember he lives over the road. I got some really nasty texts and then one that said I should be ashamed of myself for acting the way I did all weekend. Don't answer this text with one of your ridiculous essays in fact don't answer at all cos I wont get it "BLOCKED"

Am sorry this is so long, I had to let it out. I don't know how I feel but can someone tell me why I am crying and heartbroken and devastated all over again. Why do I feel like this over a nasty vicious person who has trampled all over me. Does he really believe that I am the person he calls me, a liar and a disgusting human being when I have loved and cared and supported him through all the bad things happening in his life. I am left sitting here wondering what is real anymore. Half of me just wants to actually get out of my life and the other half wants me to carry on. It's scary and horrible. I feel such a loser for letting him back in. Thank you for listening. Again.

I recently attempted to get back with my ex-BPD girlfriend. Once I cut her out of my life she came back crying, begging for me to take her back & saying she had made a huge mistake. I agreed to work things out, but it only took about a week for her to go back to her old ways. Ignoring my calls & texts. Nearly 3 weeks after I agreed to work things out she called to tell me she didn't want to be with me. I was broken hearted & sad all over again (& still am at time). The truth is, we shouldn't be sad or broken hearted. We tried to fix something that can't be fixed. If he thinks you're a liar or a disgusting human being it doesn't matter, because most if not all of what he thinks is completely false & irrational. Stay strong my friend. We'll all get through this together.