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A few days back I reported on how I had turned a corner over the last few weeks. I'm having more 'good' days than 'bad' and I'm finally started to see how my ex is so great loss, as he's ill and he's clearly not prepared to do the work that needs to be done in order for him to be healthy. A big red flag of this is the fact that even though he was sexually assaulted repeatedly as a child, he says he's 'fine' and 'it doesn't affect him.' And then he'd have rages that are NOT normal (I'm going to post about this on another thread because I'm curious about something).

However, things still trigger me from time-to-time. I spoke to a friend of mine who I hadn't had the chance to tell about the breakup until now, and talking about it triggered the feelings of abandonment and anxiety.

I think it's useful for us to know what triggers these responses and try to best manage them or avoid them - what do you guys do in this regard?

I'm also finding that now that I'm no longer obsessing about the way things ended and what it all means, I've started obsessing about whether he's given me an STD. No basis for this other than, if he could change so quickly what on earth else was he hiding?

I hate feeling crappy after I've been feeling good for a few days. I guess it's all part of the process.

Hopeful

Hi Hopeful83,


I'm sorry to hear about your ex and his childhood. That's terrible.

We may develop negative thinking patterns and I find that I can worry too much, and I can feel triggered.

I use mindfulness and it helps with my thoughts, it helps alleviate the anxiety and stress. Wise-mind is where our emotional mind and rational thinking mind come together with what feels right with reality.

(https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/images/mb/mindfulness.gif)

Triggering and Mindfulness and Wise Mind (https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind)