BPDFamily.com

       Ok boys and girls I am now about 90 days post break up with uBPDex. I won't say it has been easy we all know it's not. I am by no means fully healed but I am no where near what I was right after . Like many I was devestated and to me the breakup at the end of July came out of nowhere. I was going on two weeks silent treatment and like many ST before I figured she would snap out of it. But this one seemed different. She had a lot of stressors in her life at the time, which she told me I was one of them,haha nice right? Anyway when she called me on her lunch to end it and put it all on me, I could have cried. I instantly lost my appetite and wanted to crawl into a hole. I was with a buddy helping him do some cement work so I had to suck it up till I got home.

        Anyway the next week was horrible. I couldn't eat and called out of work.mof course I knew nothing of BPD at the time. I hit up my therapist 3x a week. I thought I was losing my mind . I mean What the heck this isn't supposed to happen. I got divorced for her. Was there someone else? Ughhh the worst feelings ever. I did probably something you shouldn't do. I joined a dating website and went out with a girl the next weekend. We had sex, and although it was nowhere near my ex it did take my mind off things. For a few days anyway. The next week I wanted answers from my ex. So we talked on phone and she was as cold as ever . I couldn't get anywhere with her, like usual. So we ended and I was confused as ever. It wasn't till a few weeks later I learned of borderline and everything made sense. Wow! So many red flags I ignored. So I kept reading online. I joined up here which helped a lot and read a few books. It made me realize that yes she is most likely borderline but there is nothing I could do.

         I did entertain the notion that I could try to get back with her and explain it to her but that ended with my moment of weakness. One night I texted her to see if she got house key. I was drunk and like an idiot I tried talking about the past . She couldnt have been colder. She told me she really doesn't think of us anymore and that door has closed. But we could be friends. It was then I realized she is probably gone forever. It did however set me back. I stress to everyone NC! That was about a month ago. At this point now I don't find myself thinking of her all that much. No obsessing on what is she doing or who is she with? If they do creep in I quickly push them out. I am more angry now. Angry at how I was treated. I consider myself a nice guy but I really feel as if I was taken advantage of. A year ago today I took her daughter for her drivers test, which ran late and missed taking my daughter trick or treating.

         Like I said I'm not healed but feel a lot better. The days are brighter and I look forward to being me. It's not all bad lol. I'm a single 41 yo decent looking guy with a great job. I have a lot to offer. I am no longer engulfed by sadness. I do realize I don't like being alone. As of a few weeks ago when my daugher went back to her moms I was really hit with sadness. I was crying , missing my exgf, missing my ex wife and family. I almost called out of work but didn't. That weekend I got really sick with a stomach virus. I was on couch for a day and a half. When I finally got better I no longer felt the sadness . It was weird . Since then everyday has been better. Last night I went out with a former coworker. It was just supposed to be me and him. But his wife came out and brought her friend who is going through a divorce as well. We had dinner and drinks and just laughed. Best night I had in a long time. Anyway enough rambling . Things do get better for all you guys and girls who think otherwise . A couple things along the way that have helped were therapy, funny movies, and I went out. Either with friends or girls I met online. Not to find a girlfriend but just to get some confidence back. It's nice to go out and have a girl talk nice and compliment you.

Glad to read this Big! Its the most difficult thing I have faced in my life. Its incredibly hard on all of us but you sound like you are doing much better. Happy for you amigo.

Thank you Todd. I am trying. I'm sure I'll still have bad days but hopefully fewer and farther between. Like you said ,the hardest thing ever. I wish it on no one

Hi Bigmd,

Good to hear you're connecting with people. I can relate with the anxiety when my kids go back home on switch on / switch off days. I find self care helps relieve my anxiety. What do you do for self care?

Keeping busy. Still in therapy also.

Here's a few ideas for self care, going out for coffee, going out to the movies,reading a good book, fresh air, getting a message, mindfulness,  hot bath... .

See anything you like? What do you like?

I go out a lot with friends. I go to gym 6 days a week. I also do a lot of running outdoors. So I guess that's what you are talking about? Right now the "sting" of the break up is pretty much gone. As the days go on I find myself liking my new found freedom. I come and go as I please with no one to answer to. For me it's like a new life. Me and my ex wife started dating in 1997. So I haven't been on my own in a long time. I'm sure there will still be some crappy days.

Bigmd,

Yes, that is what I mean. I understand the anxiety with not having a significant other or kids with you when you lived with them day-to-day. Try self care when you're feeling anxious, it should relieve your anxiety. See if that helps.

I should clarify that my ex wife was not the BPD ex. In my last post I was just trying to state how long it's been since I was single. The break up in July was with my girlfriend whom I got a divorce for.

I see. Thanks for clearing that up.