BPDFamily.com

I know this sounds silly, since we all know how folks with BPD and NPD pay little attention to objective truth and reality, but what is this?  He smeared me like crazy to people he knew I never really see or interact with (coworkers, far-off friends), but to his family, whom I know well and whom I saw virtually daily, he said that I'm an amazing human being?  How did I go from being controlling, domineering, abusive, ugly, bad in bed ... .to being a precious angel?

Is this because he doesn't want to muddy the waters for a recycle, or because he's afraid his family knows me too well and that they would call him out on it?

Well if were going based off logic it seems as though he wants you to look less desirable to others ( potential partners or friends) kind of like if I can't have you none will... He seems to paint a nice family picture... In my opinion that would mean you can be recycled again... Essentially killing some potential suitors for you but not burning the bridge (slandering someone to family would essentially burn a bridge)

that's  just my opinion though.

I was thinking these same questions today only my situation is opposite. She smeared me to her family and closest friends but everyone else she says good things about me. I try to figure out what that means. This is the second time. To me it seems like there can be no further recycles because she's burned the bridges. If she recycled me again, her family would be saying What the heck?

Her family thinks I'm a controlling, jealous, monster. But she tells me there was so much good!

I have been painted black to everyone who will listen ... .even those who try to avoid listening.

The up side ... .no more recycle attempts.

The down side ... .some people listen to him just for the drama of it all.

My situation is similar to yours. I ran into her a couple months after she dumped me and found a replacement. She is the waif type and has always been fairly self aware of it, however she never really showed remorse or sought help. We go to the same university so it was bound to happen. I'd ran into her before and she was the one who tried to initiate a conversation but I told her to go away basically. The second time I initiated. It was fine, she was nice, she wished me well, she apologised for what she did but still did it anyway, so it didn't mean much. Then a few days later her dad is calling me and my family accusing me of being a stalker. It was so unexpected, especially since there were a couple of days of feeling calm and thinking we were on good terms.

She has been very clearly smearing me to her family. To other people I was wonderful to her but we just weren't compatible and she broke up with me in a bad way which made me act the way I did. I accused her of cheating quite publicly which I really regret since it gave her more ammunition in the smear campaign and it was a bad thing to do in general. She then posted on social media that she wasn't a cheater, but didn't blame me for thinking that and then went on to say I was a great guy. So she didn't want to smear me to people she barely knew, but smeared me to people who were close to her? It has been so confusing.

I think in both of those cases though she has made herself out to be the victim. To people who aren't close to her, she is the victim because she has been so apologetic and understanding but I'm accusing her of cheating and being a bad person. But to her family, she is the victim because I'm apparently a controlling stalker and although she has done all these terrible things, its excusable because of how badly I've treated her. If she said the same things to people she barely knew that she'd dumped me out of the blue and found a new boyfriend within a week, she'd come across as the troubled one, but to her family it seems perfectly logical. I think its a case of adjusting her story to match her audience.