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Title: Help Me From Breaking NC Post by: ivan da terrible on November 01, 2015, 01:22:20 PM Hello BPD Family,
Please provide me with words of wisdom and strength to help me from breaking NC with my ex wife who I have been divorced from for 2 years. Thanks. Title: Re: Help Me From Breaking NC Post by: Darsha500 on November 01, 2015, 01:36:01 PM 2 years huh? What has you tempted to contact her?
Title: Re: Help Me From Breaking NC Post by: ivan da terrible on November 02, 2015, 06:16:39 AM Darsha,
I was triggered by a movie that reminded me of her. The feeling has passed. It was intense yesterday. Title: Re: Help Me From Breaking NC Post by: toddinrochester on November 02, 2015, 07:09:21 AM I don't think the triggers ever leave us. We just get to a place where its not causing physical responses. Sometimes I see something that reminds me of her and my mind wanders back to the good times. I try not to dwell on it and grab a crossword puzzle if I need to clear it out of my head. I think its always going to be there friend. Glad you coped with as well as you did.
Title: Re: Help Me From Breaking NC Post by: enlighten me on November 02, 2015, 07:10:14 AM Hi Ivan
Sorry to hear that you had this happen. I think that we can all go along happily and then out of the blue a trigger will set us off again. I have a different situation as I have to have contact with my exs as we have children. It may sound strange but I think by having to interact I have become less sensitive to triggers. For some who go no contact I believe that you don't have a chance to deal with the feelings so run the risk of getting triggered out of the blue. When this happens it can be quite intense. The good news for you is that you know you can get through it so if it happens again you know it wont last. Title: Re: Help Me From Breaking NC Post by: Skip on November 02, 2015, 11:49:29 AM It may sound strange but I think by having to interact I have become less sensitive to triggers. For some who go no contact I believe that you don't have a chance to deal with the feelings so run the risk of getting triggered out of the blue. When this happens it can be quite intense. I agree with enlighten me, dropping the NC barrier takes pressure off. Its sounds likes you are far enough out that it should be possible. End the cold war. But how do you do this, wisely? For sure, don't open the door when you are emotionally triggered - you don't want to expose vulnerability or look to your ex for healing or resolving unfinished business. That will just make matter worse for both of you. The holidays are coming up - maybe text her "have a nice thanksgiving" in November and send her a card at Christmas. Maybe in February share some benign news (don't expect a response) - "I just ran a a 5k". She may respond then or eventually. You are just planting a seed of detachment. You are letting go. The important thing is to separate your emotions and your healing from contact with her. You need to deal with that in a safe place, like here. |