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Title: I can't believe I put up with so much misery Post by: hopealways on November 01, 2015, 09:36:47 PM 3.5 months NC now and this is the longest I have gone NC but it really is starting to bring clarity. I feel like there has been a fog in my head which I am just beginning to see past. I remember all the misery she put me through and wonder: how the heck did I put up with all that? And for almost 4 years?
BPD relationships suck! I can't encourage enough sticking with NC. We really don't realize how much damage was done to us until we ride it out for many months after the final discard. I am just beginning to realize it and hate myself for putting up with so much. Nobody is worth suffering this much over. Title: Re: I can't believe I put up with so much misery Post by: C.Stein on November 01, 2015, 10:00:21 PM I'm about the same amount of time out of the final discard. Hasn't been entirely NC, but for the most part it has, not that I really had much choice. I admire your progress so far, you are doing much better than I am at dealing with a loss like this. I'm having a very hard time letting go in spite of the way I was feeling before the relationship ended. I don't think any of my other romantic failures was ever this difficult to get over.
Title: Re: I can't believe I put up with so much misery Post by: mylife2 on November 01, 2015, 10:22:01 PM I feel the same. I can't believe that I put up with so much, the take, take and no give. The put downs, accusations, mind games, lies and control. But struggling for some reason like a part of me is missing. I guess I just have to go through this. I love me and know I am none of those things he tells me I am. Just have to let go and remember that I have been damaged but will repair. That I am strong and deserve love in return. Miss him, he says he misses me too, but he has lied and manipulated me so much, I can't believe him. I also know he has been working hard at replacing me from probably before we split. He just needs to find somebody he sees as an upgrade. Well maybe I can be upgraded but not replaced. He will never know my worth or appreciate everything I gave him of myself. Everything I've missed out on. Wish my heart was as wise as my head.
Title: Re: I can't believe I put up with so much misery Post by: Mutt on November 01, 2015, 10:39:24 PM Hi hopealways,
3.5 months. Nice going |iiii I hear regret. What do you regret? Title: Re: I can't believe I put up with so much misery Post by: hopealways on November 02, 2015, 09:49:43 AM What do I regret?
I regret: -ever meeting her -ignoring the red flags and instead chasing her seduction -allowing myself to lose myself -becoming passive to appease her and avoid the rage episodes -giving so much and receiving crumbs -wasting my time with her -not leaving sooner |