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Title: Will this never end? Post by: apg on November 02, 2015, 04:39:52 AM Our son 18 months ago disowned us. Why? We love him have cared for him supported him, jumped hoops to help over the years, 2 suicide attempts, relationship disasters, explosive behaviour, the list goes on. The last suicide attempt we had him move back with us as he had also just lost his driving licence. His choice of work was working in bars which was a disaster hence the driving convictions! I had just opened a small shop renovating furniture and giving advice with design etc. I said he could work in the shop, which he did, over the next 2 years, he stole from us, drunk at the shop, smashed his car up, relationships galore. We kept quite and calm to try and get him to understand his behaviour as once he had been to a psychologist the psychologist said there was nothing wrong with him! After three years, he at last met a wonderful girl, they became pregnant, bearing in mind they both now lived with us, and they decided to marry at our house. During the pregnancy he lost the plot, once punching a hole through a door, and his then finance came to our side of the house as she was so frightened, this happened a few times. By then he had no relationship with his three siblings, so when the wedding happened then would not come, as he had smashed his brother in law in the face once! After the wedding my husband and I decided it was time for us to have time to ourselves, he was 39 by then! So we went on a 6 month trip to europe. One month in the abuse started, one comment you won't come home will you. Yes we will was our reply. He was running my shop being the carer for the house, we thought he had got to that place where he understood responsibility. But the abuse whilst away got worse and worse, and then he was putting all his abuse on the internet, he threatened our son inlaw and daughter with basically they had better watch out, so now they had restraining order on him. I was even banned to going bucket my own shop!
We have tried and tried but he won't talk to us, blames us both for how he is, apparently I have BPD, but to allay that, I went to a psychologist and have a friend who is a Dr. in this field, I didn't want to sit no the fence if it was my fault, their reaction, there is no way I have any problems in that field. Neither does my husband. So the abuse is going on more comments on a blog site he has, I sent him a book for his birthday, and its been relegated to the bin, the presents I send our 2 year old grandson are returned, we are not allowed to see him. It breaks my heart. We are now leaving where we live to return to europe, we cannot take anymore. BUT the fear is that one day we will get the phone call to say he has tried suicide again. So please tell me, how do we cope with this. We have looked at our past his past, we love and loved all our children, we have given them our hearts our time, our care Oh everything, and still I question myself, what could I have done better. I keep trying but we get abuse back. Do we give up now, to save ourselves from going absolutely mad! We now have to tell him we are moving away, dont want to do it, but we need to take care of ourselves now, it all sounds so selfish doesn't it? Please can someone help? Title: Re: Will this never end? Post by: lbjnltx on November 02, 2015, 08:05:58 AM Hello apg and welcome!
I'm so sorry to hear that you and your husband have been removed from your son and your grandson's lives. It surely must be painful for you I haven't read anything in your post that sounds selfish. It doesn't help our disordered children when we put our lives on hold and sacrifice ourselves. What does help them is to continue to love them, work to understand their struggles, take care of ourselves and learn the most healthy communication skills for the relationship. Is the move to Europe part of your life long plan? lbj |