BPDFamily.com

New here, and seriously concerned for my daughter who is only 8.

Might seem an extremely premature consideration but I was diagnosed more than 20 years ago (am 40),

had a lot of therapy, spent years reading self help books and working on healthy things myself - I seem to have managed to pretend I am "fine"

for most of that time since then  (not seen psychiatrist, psychologist or needed medications in that time (though they all actually made me worse). Infact another psychiatrist disputed the diagnosis a few years later given my age at the time. But since I was a toddler I remember feeling different, thinking too much, caring too much and I still now feel different and have to work hard putting on an act to get by -  it's utterly exhausting.


I recently had a bit of a breakdown and started to have episodes of depersonalisation, also self harming again. I have some amazing friends and very close to my mum and dad (who did divorce when I was about 9) I realise though that I avoid meeting or getting close to people because I can't take the risk of being hurt. I learned my husband also has Aspergers which actually suits as he doesn't force me into social situations I can't cope with and gives me a lot of space.


The stress that has caused my relapse into depression has been mainly due to exhaustion as have two children with complex health needs including my 8 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with Aspergers/high functioning autism.  My daughter has also always been very different but for her early years in a very exciting and positive way. She is extraordinary, highly intelligent, gifted in some areas (as am I) but extremely volatile, severe

Emotion regulation dysfunction, aggressive and violent and threatens to kill herself. She is highly sensitive, affectionate, considerate, wants to please but feels too much, noticed

everything and suffers so much every day.  It's heartbreaking.

I recently saw a psychiatrist who suggested something was different about both of our brains, without specifying, and have been reading again about BPD, and can relate  much more than what  I found in university textbooks during the early 90s. The thing is aside abandonment issues my daughter seems to fit the BPD criteria better than I did (I was shy, quiet and didn't lash out) and I also seem to fit the Aspergers criteria as much as she currently does.

Is it possible that what we are experiencing is early stages of BPD in her? Am so very worried about her future. And not doing great myself.

Has anyone been through similar and have any advice?

Hello Etdja and welcome to the Parenting Board.

I'm so glad that you are here looking for help and answers regarding your d8.

My daughter was dx w/ODD at age 11 and then emerging BPD at age 12.  We were fortunate to get a diagnoses so early in her life as it led our family to the understanding and skill sets needed to get her the help we all needed.  BPD is a family disorder as it affects all the relationships within the family so we each needed to change the way we interacted with ourselves and each other.

I, nor anyone else here can diagnose your daughter. What we can do is give you the support you need as a parent to a sensitive child and help you learn the skills that help you parent her.  One of the best resources I came across for parenting a young, sensitive child is the book  Parenting a Child with Intense Emotions (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=200554.0) by Pat Harvey and Janine Penzo.  It teaches DBT skills to mirror for our kids and these same skills help us as parents be calm in the face of a storm of emotions.  I hope that you will click on the link I provide here and take a look at the reviews we have and explore the book.

I look forward to learning more about your daughter and your family so that I can be an ongoing source of support for you.

lbj